The Whores Come Up With Laws For Whoring:
And so it was that the whores decided it was time to police themselves. They were tired of the judgment of the moralistic, those who would say that what passes between a whore and a john has an effect beyond the act of a john blowing a load into the mouth of a whore; that all of a sudden there was a profligacy of stalker johns, who expect the whores to fuck only for them; that the families of the whores noticed that the whores don't spend any time with them any more, devoting themselves to whoring and only whoring, neglecting their children, their old parents, their dogs, their homes. Ahh, the life of a whore. One hard fucking after another. Who has time for more?

Yes, the whores had themselves a big meeting, a whorefest, where they talked about what acts were the most offensive to them. And, frankly, it's kind of hard for a whore to find something really beyond the pale. Sure, sure, there's always a prissy prostitute or two who won't do anal or groups, but, really, once you've been forced to lick the anus of a 300 pound professional hot dog eater, what is "too much?" Still, the whores wanted to come up with a few bones they could toss to the non-whores to show that they were serious about cleaning up whoredom.

They narrowed it down to two or three things they could all agree on: it would be fine to ban scat games - for, indeed, it had become too much of a chore to wash shit out their hair. The time-and-effort to pay ratio simply made it easier to get rid of it altogether. Some of the whores wanted to get rid of beatings. After all, it is the most dangerous part of a whore's life, alone in a room, pimp waiting outside, as some combover-headed skinny-dicked john wants to make up for his time in the cubicle by beating the fuck out of a "defenseless" woman, getting hotter and hotter as she bleeds and pleads until he comes on her tits. But the money for meet and beats is too good. It'd be a serious cut in a whore's take-home, even with the medical bills involved.

So the whores decided that they would limit the size of foreign objects that could be shoved into their twats and assholes. Anything bigger than an average fist would be forbidden. So beer bottle, corncob, and golf club would be fine. However, lawn statue of the Virgin Mary, Progresso soup can, and violin case would not. One must have standards.

As for the enforcement of their new rules, some of the whores proposed a board of pimps and bodyguards to beat any whores or johns who violated the guidelines. But the whores decided that it would be better for the law of the jungle to regulate them. Who better to know if a whore has broken the rules than another whore? Then the claws would come out.

Sure, sure, some whores said the rules didn't go far enough, that in the course of an evening, a whore could be pissed on, slapped around, and fucked with a nine-iron. But the other whores pointed out that even small steps are fine, and, really, if someone's willing to pay the cash money to have such a night, why should they stop him? And, yeah, it really wouldn't give the whores the time to listen to phone calls from their kids, but, c'mon, they've got jobs to do.

After all, they are whores.