Laura Bush Talks; No One Gives a Shit:
Unless it's "Jesus Christ, you're on fire" or "Let me lick that clean for you," the Rude Pundit doesn't give a happy monkey fuck what Laura Bush has to say. The Rude Pundit doesn't give a lonely rat turd what Laura Bush has to say about gangs. The Rude Pundit doesn't give a retarded dog drool what Laura Bush has to say about the Olympics. And the Rude Pundit really, really doesn't give a bloated weasel carcass about what Laura Bush has to say when it comes to Hurricane Katrina relief.

But there she was, the woman who allows her husband, the buffoonish destroyer of freedom, liberty, and lives to shove his cock in her plucked Marion-the-goddamn-librarian twat. Christ, sex between them must be like watching a circus clown fuck a balloon animal. And she was standin' by her Emmett Kelly as he of the sad face talked about Katrina recovery efforts with all the enthusiasm of a sixth grader givin' a book report about The Old Man and the Sea, adding his personal touch, a reminiscence about getting fucked up in the Big Easy: "I've always had a soft spot in my heart for Louisiana. Some of you might recall I grew up across the line, over there in Texas, and really enjoyed my stay here when I came." And then it was Laura's turn.

The national pulse flatlines when Laura Bush speaks. And everyone's so goddamned enthusiastic about her because the end of one of her speeches is like getting an electric jolt to the failing heart: "Shit, it's over, I'm still alive, musta been great." In New Orleans (and in Mississippi), Laura droned on about the Laura Bush Foundation, which is not, it turns out, a place for researching the proper care and maintenance of a Brazilian pube job, but is actually a charity for the nation's school libraries. Apparently, according to Laura, what the residents of the Gulf Coast need is not more trailers to live in so they can rebuild their shattered lives and property. What they need are grants to build back school libraries. Between 50 and a hundred grand. And the best part? It's competitive. So the destroyed Salmen High School in Slidell, Louisiana will have to compete with a destroyed high school in Waveland, Mississippi for the money.

Now, the point here ain't that books fer schools is a bad idea. It's that the White House deemed it so fuckin' important to get sympathetic Laura down there with mucho hated George in order to express a little love. It's that when Laura said, in that chilling, robotic, faux motherly voice of hers, the one that when Jenna hears it on the phone, she's gotta snort coke until it clogs her brain in order to block the bad thoughts, "We all know that schools are at the center of every child's life, and the routine of going to school gives children a sense of comfort that's more important than ever for boys and girls who've endured trauma. The sooner children are back in their own school, the happier and healthier they'll be," all the Rude Pundit could think was, yeah, and you know what'd really help out with the kids' trauma? Knowin' where they're gonna live. Which a fuckuva lot of kids still don't know.

Laura was sent to the Gulf Coast to talk about something nice, like a soldier giving chocolate to the kids of a village his platoon just blew the shit out of. But after listening to the President blame Congress for the failure of Katrina recovery funds getting to the area, it was just so much eye-rolling bullshit, an ice pack after you've been kicked in the balls. Yeah, thanks, but in the end, you'd've preferred not being kicked in the balls.

By the way, the Rude Pundit won't even get into how much he doesn't give a jolly aardvark suck about what Laura Bush has to say about Women's History Month and International Women's Day. Let's just leave it at her own words: "There are encouraging signs for progress for women in many parts of the world, and I'm proud to be married to a man whose policies promote this success." Flatlined once again.