The Supreme Court: Who Would Jesus Choose?:
At his brief press conference today with Prime Minister Singh of India (for whom it was everything he could do to refrain from showing his Apu imitation), President George W. Bush declared that the Consitution was a-okay with him when it comes to nominating a justice to the Supreme Court. Said Bush, acting as if he paid attention in Civics class, "I, of course, am the person that picks the nominee, and they get to decide whether or not the nominee gets confirmed. That's the way it has worked in the past. That's the way it's going to work in this administration." Which, if you think about it, is about as obvious as saying, "I'm gonna squeeze this here weasel really hard until it stops breathing and its bones break. Then that'll be one dead weasel." 'Cause, see, if it didn't work that way, one would have a super-weasel on one's hands and, well, shit, Bush already has Karl Rove.

This weekend, the new wires were all a-twitter with Bush's Saturday Radio Address That No One Listens To Except A Furiously Masturbating Ken Mehlman, where Bush described his ideal Supreme Court nominee, "My nominee will be a fair-minded individual who represents the mainstream of American law and American values. The nominee will meet the highest standards of intellect, character, and ability, and will pledge to faithfully interpret the Constitution and laws of our country."

AP said something like, "Bush Gives Hints" on a nominee. Well, no, not really. Bush stated the obvious. If Bush had said, "My nominee will be a batshit insane, crazy in love with Jesus toelicker who'll do my every bidding and allow us to sic savage dogs on naked vaguely brownish people, overturn Roe v. Wade and force women to have babies from frozen embryos so they don't have to ever enjoy the fucking, and kowtow to every orgiastic, profit-making whim of corporate America. I don't give a happy monkey fuck if the motherfucker's black, white, man, woman, or beagle. As long as judgey knows how to play ball, lie at the hearings, shred documents, and never fucked a living intern, judgey'll be okey-fuckin-dokey by me, 'cause, see, I are the President, and whatever I believe is mainstream, git it? And as far as high standards of intellect? Shee-it, if the bitch can string a sentence together, bitch is playin' in the right ballpark" then we'd've had a hint or two.

Of course, the Christian right is obsessed, like a two year-old boy discovering he's got a dick, with the nomination, 'cause, you know, Churchy wanna get paid. The Rude Pundit is a member of the Family Research Council's Super-Duper Prayer Team, and we've received our marchin' orders from Tony "No, Really, I've Never Stabbed Anyone...In a Shower" Perkins, which means they come straight from Jeeeesus. Announcing Justice Sunday II, Perkins also asked us to pray for the Congress because "confirming judges who meet God's requirements (Exodus 18:21-22) remains our chief concern."

In the Bible passage that's referenced in our prayer target, Moses's father-in-law exhorts Moses to find judges who not only "fear God," but they should be "men of Truth" who hate "covetousness." Now, the Rude Pundit's not makin' any bets on who the nominee is gonna be, but considering Bush's track record, "hating covetousness" ain't gonna be very high on the list of qualifications.