Why We Fight:
Here were some of the thoughts and reactions of soldiers in Iraq just prior to the coming return of Fallujah to the desert: In a scene straight out of Joseph Heller, a half-dozen Marines lined up to have their heads plunged into a rubber dinghy filled with water so that they may be baptized (or born again) before heading into battle because, according to the oh-so-secular media, they had "had just found Christ" (and, by the way, that phrase is not quoted in the AFP article - it is stated as fact). Meanwhile, Col. Gary Brandl, in rallying his troops for the coming battle, said, "The enemy has got a face. He's called Satan. He's in Fallujah and we're going to destroy him." So our born-again soldiers are heading into Fallujah to destroy Satan? Damn, Jesus better hit those insurgents like the atom bomb (and he will, sweet Lord, he will).

Over here, in this America, the Texas Board of Education got major texbook publishers to change their definitions of "marriage" from gender-neutral language to specifically say that it's between a man and a woman. One would hope that they would also, then, define "divorce" and "spousal abuse" and "adultery" as being between a man and a woman. Also in Texas (state motto: "The Stupider They Are, The Easier They Are To Fuck Over"), the Board of Education approved four sex-ed textbooks, three of which make no mention of contraceptives and one which "makes passing references to condoms" (one assumes that mention might something like, "People who wish to go to hell and burn in eternal fire carry condoms with them"). Texas, by the way, has one of the highest rates of teen pregnancy in the country, according to the CDC.

Head up north, to Grantsburg, Wisconsin, where the city school board has decided to allow creationism to be taught alongside evolution as part of the "science" curriculum. One hopes they will provide the "intelligent design" behind the Native American "turtle island" creation myth. Back in the deep South, Cobb County, Georgia, has required science textbooks have a sticker on them which reads, "This textbook contains material on evolution. Evolution is a theory, not a fact, regarding the origin of living things. This material should be approached with an open mind, studied carefully and critically considered." Six parents have sued, along with the ACLU, and now the case heads to the U.S. District Court, which, if it says the stickers are unconstitutional, will no doubt be called "activist" and "imposing personal opinion" on an issue.

Yesterday, appearing on Fox "News," puppet master Karl Rove stated plainly that President Bush would "absolutely" push for a constitutional amendment banning gay marriage.

Meanwhile, commentators all over the political spectrum are saying that one of the reasons that Democrats lost the election is that they are "elitists" and "out of touch" with the "moral values" of Americans. But you know what? The problem is not that Democrats are out of touch with Americans. It's that these so-called "Americans" are out of touch with America as a concept. While all of these pundits are decrying the division of America as somehow the province of "liberals" and their misunderstanding of the middle and south of the country, how about just the occasional fucking word about how Bush's constant berating of "intellectuals" and "Massachusetts" is more divisive, as if somehow Illinois, Pennsylvania, California, and New York are filled with eggheads who only theorize and refuse to get their hands dirty in the real work that all those amazing "real" Americans engage in every day. Bush's anti-intellectualism is a calculated effort to pander to the worst elements of human beings - voting with your gut, not your mind.

See, here's the deal: your ignorance affects the rest of us. That's what we're pissed about. When your kids who don't believe in evolution, hate gays, and are filled with sexual repression and self-loathing cross the borders into blue America, we have to deal with that ignorance. And it is ignorance. Can we just call stupidity what it is? It ain't about religion. It's about stupid fuckers who can't catch a break in this fucked up country when it comes to jobs, health care, wages, and real security who rely on the one thing they have, faith, and then are manipulated by power-mad ministers and politicians into translating that faith into policy. The Rude Pundit's been there. He's seen it all firsthand. And you know what? They've been beaten into stupidity by their stupid fucking communities and all they want is their stupidity to spread, as if stupidity were the greatest value of all.

And when we, the so-called "enlightened," actually say we don't want their stupidity infecting our country, we're called intolerant. That's like when the asshole in the bar, who keeps shoving you and feeling up your girlfriend, says, "You wanna step outside?" and then after he's gotten his friends to beat you with pool cues, you pick your battered ass off the ground and spit blood in his face, then the asshole says, "That's not fair" before he starts to kick you in the nuts repeatedly. "Freedom of religion" really means "freedom from religion," whether that's your religion or all religion.

Thomas Friedman, who has sucked a fair amount of administration cock himself, got it right when he said, "I felt as if I registered to vote, but when I showed up the Constitutional Convention broke out." The religious values the ignorant wish to impose on us are anti-American. If you wanna make it American, then, fine, let's do this thing. Change the actual concept of the country. Go for your constitutional amendments. At least then we'll know just how devolved we've all become.