Why No Impeachment, Part 2: Republicans Are Cocksuckers:
Let's be straight here -- if the best shot that Republicans can take at Kerry right now is that he wasn't injured badly enough to deserve a Purple Heart, then they may as well put the ropes around their necks and get ready to be twistin' in the wind. Why did Kerry wait to release all the records (which, unlike Bush's "released" records, do actually clear up any questions)? Hell, who knows. Maybe because he got a Purple Heart for gettin' hit in the ass. But, and, c'mon, his ass was actually on the line. Unlike a certain Commander-in-Chief, whose ass was nowhere near a military base for an "unknown" reason.

So, really, Kerry getting a Purple Heart for a "minor" combat injury is pretty small change compared to, let's say, purging the Pentagon website of information that indicates you knew you were going to war two months before you actually said you knew you were. Or the aforementioned $700 million in diverted funds that probably violated the Constitution. But oaths, be they for the Texas National Guard or for the presidency, are for chumps.

Which, of course, gets us around to the question at hand: what they fuck? Why no impeachment? Today's answer is simple: because Republicans in Congress are bottoms to the ass-fucking they continuously get from the White House. And they love it. They're bent over their desks and ready with the Astroglide when they look on their PDAs to see they have an appointment with Rove or Cheney. There's not a single honorable one of them, not one who could look the electorate in the eye and say, "I believe the White House is doing the right thing on issue x or war y." Because they'd have to betray the shame in their eyes, the shame every prison bitch has ever known upon being released: "Do I say that I sucked cock on a regular basis in order to save myself from being shivved?"

During the Clinton impeachment "scandal," Democrats were willing to stand up to the White House. When some Democrats felt the White House was pressuring them to vote against impeachment, not only did they go public, Robert Byrd delivered a rebuke on the Senate floor: "I would suggest by way of friendly advice to the White House: Don't tamper with this jury. Don't tamper with this jury." (If you want a festive flashback to the outrage, the pure unadulterated hate, of the Republicans during that hallowed time 6 years ago, check out this CNN article.) Now, essentially, the majority of those anti-Clinton Democrats were pussies who feared for their own re-elections, but, still, and all, they were willing to defy a popular president.

During Watergate, honorable Republicans were outraged at the abuse of power emanating from the White House. Moderate Republicans broke ranks and began to side with Democrats on the Judiciary Committee, including William Cohen, who would become Clinton's Secretary of State. Eventually, even some conservative Republicans decided that Nixon had committed crimes worthy of impeachment.

But now, oh, now. Sure, the press gets in a tizzy, swooning whenever a "maverick" like John McCain speaks against Bush (although, let's be honest, McCain is just a conservative Republican who still believes in conservative values, like conservation and political independence from corporate influence). Or if Richard Lugar declares that there's no exit strategy in Iraq. For the most part, Republicans are silent or muted in their criticism of the policies of a president whose ideology is about as coherent as his syntax. Fuck, House members are so whipped into fear by Tom DeLay that they may as well tell their constituents that they're voting for DeLay, Inc, not a private citizen.

So why? Why? Is it just the shame in having sucked so much cock? In getting raped repeatedly behind the heavy, closed doors of their offices, from whence their whimpers of mercy cannot be heard? Or are they truly spineless?

More tomorrow.