Why Bill O'Reilly Ought To Be Sodomized With a Microphone, Part 7 of an Unending Series:
We all know that O'Reilly is a shrill shill for the right; we all know that every night he lifts his sperm-smeared face out of Rupert Murdoch's lap to that the Aussie fascist can give him marching orders for the next day. But over the last week, O'Reilly has taken it upon himself to crusade against Richard Clarke with a viciousness that is not unakin to a leopard downing a gazelle and parading around with the gazelle's intestines for all the other leopards to see. His first "Talking Points Memo," right after Clarke testified, spun enough doubt into O'Reilly's attitude toward Clarke that it put a lie to O'Reilly's conclusion, "We will try to feed you simple information so you can decide as always."

It's an interesting sentence in so many pathetic ways that it's hard to know where to begin. To "feed" people information means that you are taking an active role in giving them what you suppose they need to know. "Simple information" seems to denote that complexities, like Clarke could be angry and be correct, are antithetical to the simplicity of the simpletons who watch your simple pronouncements. In other words, O'Reilly may as well have concluded his Mar. 23 monologue with, "Richard Clarke: eeevil," leaning into the camera, making mesmer eyes.

But O'Reilly was just getting warmed up. On Mar. 24, O'Reilly opened with a declaration that the "truth is very simple" and labelled everything that might be a nuance "political and boring." (O'Reilly's simple truth was that Clinton and Bush didn't do enough to stop 9/11. Sometimes watching O'Reilly can be like spending time in a class of third graders.) Mar. 25 was when the hounds were unleashed by Fox, when Fox got the okay from the White House to reveal Clarke as the anonymous source of a background briefing in order to attempt to "discredit" him. O'Reilly was drooling blood as he pronounced, "The other thing that makes us suspicious about Clarke is that his publisher has not booked him on 'The Factor.' " Again: third graders. Dickie won't come to my house and play, so Dickie must be a mean boy.

This week, after dissing Bob Kerrey for dissing Fox for dissing Clarke, after skewing poll numbers that said 2/3 of the public had not changed its opinion of Bush (which means, for all intents and purposes, if you thought Bush was a son of a bitch, both literally and figuratively, before Clarke's revelations, you really weren't going to switch sides), O'Reilly may as well have stood on top of his desk and dropped his pants, taking a huge dump on Clarke's book as he swept Clarke away from our memories by declaring him a "footnote" to O'Reilly and now "put to bed this evening."

Do you ever think Bill O'Reilly looks in the mirror at his splotchy face, lined with hatred and evil (and not a little racism), perhaps a bit sad at his ennobling of those who degrade the rest of us, and wonders if hell is real? And do you think he wonders if every day on the air, on tv, radio, in print, he turns his personal flame up just a tick higher? Nah.

Quick additional note:
Apparently Janeane Garofalo's Majority Report radio show on Air America, which O'Reilly dismissed this week as a fraud, will regularly feature political bloggers. Contact the producers and tell 'em you'd like 'em to interview the Rude Pundit. Try "my2cents@airamericaradio.com".

Back Monday.