A Not-So-Good Friday:
It's Good Friday now, Easter soon, and then, as the Rude Pundit says about his cock most Sundays about 2 a.m. to whoever he's picked up in a bar, "He is risen."

And speaking of getting nailed, Howard Stern was officially "fired" from 6 Clear Channel stations after the FCC fined Clear Channel almost half a mill for something broadcast a year ago. Nothing like the pace of bureaucracy. Clear Channel, known to most music lovers as "that fuck-faced corporate entity that deserves to be firebombed like an orphanage in Dresden for ruining the already horrific music business, whose executives deserve nothing less than to be strapped to that burning tower at the last Woodstock where they could beg Jimi Hendrix for forgiveness as their hideous demonic souls were dragged to a screaming hell," is already in more hot water over its monopolistic practices (man, a real Republican like Teddy Roosevelt would have shoved an anti-trust suit so far up Clear Channel's asses by now that the Mays family would be bleeding the ink through their eyes). Stern, in reruns this week, offered a fairly muted response on his website, but one looks forward to Monday morning.

When he does come back, Stern will hopefully mention that John Ashcroft, a man so full of hate and bile that his pancreas rebelled against him, is now targeting adult pornography in his effort to remake America in the image of the, what? 1950s, when one had to watch 8 mm porn projected on a basement screen. The 1910s? When one had to look at a nickelodeon to see a good rim job? "Nothing is off limits, they warn, even soft-core cable programs such as HBO's long-running Real Sex or the adult movies widely offered in guestrooms of major hotel chains," and one wonders what Bill Bennett would do after a long night of playing the slots if there was no spank-o-vision in his suite at the Venetian. Remember: this ain't kiddie porn, gang, so, as Stern is trying to do, it's time to rally all those fuckin' couch yahoos who love the scramble porn and also love kickin' Iraqi ass and ask them: do you want to live in a country that tells you what you can jack off to?

You know, the Founders of this country, including Benjamin Franklin, a man known to enjoy hookers by the dozen, were pretty smart about the whole Bill of Rights. Even if Antonin Scalia sees it as a document that deserves to be used like so many hemorrhoid pads on his carbuncle-covered ass, it wasn't meant to protect people from things - it was meant to protect those who say and do things that make others uncomfortable. We'd say "rights of the minority," except one can pretty much assume that the majority of the country could give a damn less if Stern talks about anal sex or if Daddy's in the den beating off to "Hot Barely Legal Latinas With Distended Sphincters."

Happy Easter, motherfuckers. Back Monday.