6/30/2006

Hamdan, Democrats, and the Potential Constitutional Monarchy:
Here's yer summertime campaign issue, Democrats. Road test this fucker and see how it flies (and trust the Rude Pundit: he knows more than Bob Shrum and Donna Brazile genetically merged into one losing machine). Ya ready? Follow the bouncin' ball motherfuckers, and, fer fuck's sake, sing it in tune:

Yesterday's Hamdan decision at the Supreme Court basically said that Congress and the courts still have some power, despite the sick orgy of centralizing power in the hands of a rank amateur monarch-wannabe so head-thickened and brow-lowered with caste-based inbreeding that the lowest markers of general intelligence - like sentence construction and primary mathematics - are debased to a point where the poor fucktard must weep every morning in sub-mongoloid rage at that he is unable to carry out even the most basic functions of human existence and thought, like logic and ass-wiping, so he is surrounded by stewards and toadies who do it all for him, all the "If a and b, then c" (for, surely, left to his own devices, the President's logical progression would be something like, "If a and b, then tuna") and the ensuring that the Commander in Chief doesn't have a vague shit smell coming off him.

So the majority of the Supreme Court told the Executive Branch that it couldn't ignore the Legislative Branch and just make up laws. Now, as we well know, we're a Lieberman or two away from the kind of one-party rule that'd make Stalin say, "Goddamn, wish I'd've thought of that." The court's majority opinion said all kinds of cool shit, like, "Hey, you remember those Geneva Conventions? Yeah, so don't be dicks about them." But the opening that the Bush administration is gonna exploit and stretch until it's as wide as a crack whore's cooter is Justice Breyer's concurring opinion, in which he says, "The Court’s conclusion ultimately rests upon a single ground: Congress has not issued the Executive a 'blank check'...Indeed, Congress has denied the President the legislative authority to create military commissions of the kind at issue here. Nothing prevents the President from returning to Congress to seek the authority he necessary."

Now, we know that for almost every goddamn non-Mexican thing, the Republican Congress has rolled itself over and presented its ass for rough fucking by the White House, which has gladly fucked away. And, already, Bill Frist has raised his haunches and spread his cheeks for easy access, saying, "Congress should work with the president to update our laws on terrorist combatants to respond to the new threats of a post-9/11 world" as he prepares to offer a Gitmo trials bill. Surely, the mad House of Representatives is doing the same. Pretty much what you can expect is a crazy-ass dash to specifically define every little monarchical power Cheney, Rove, and Gonzalez want Bush to have put into one Omnibus "Fuck You, Judiciary" bill, and Joe Lieberman will actually blow himself in joy while Arlen Specter sighs, wondering if he should have just foregone the chemo.

Then, of course, the campaign issue for Democrats in the midterms is simple and straightforward, as it ought to be: Do you, the average voter, believe George Bush should be a king? Because if you elect Republicans (or Joe Lieberman), they will give him the powers of a king. And he will take them. You want slogans? "Don't Make George Bush the King of America" or "Republican Representative Fuckwad Wants the President To Become King George."

Remember how Karl Rove works: every setback is actually an opportunity to do more harm because of how it can be manipulated for electoral purposes. We will be inundated with worthless images of deranged Gitmo detainees set loose on the streets of Alabama to rape white children because of the big, bad five justices. It'll be more fear. Now, howzabout the Democrats use a little fear on their side? "Stop King George; Elect Democrat Not-Quite-As-Much-Of-A-Fuckwad" can fit on a bumper sticker.

Sidenote: Isn't the whole "five justices" or "five robed judges" overruling the "will of the people" device used by the right just the height of rhetorical bullshit? John Cornyn, in the nonsensical debate over flag burning, said as much, and it's just so godforsaken pathetically funny. 'Cause, like, wasn't it five justices who overruled the will of the people in Bush v. Gore? So, you know, let's just shut the fuck up about what five justices can do.