2/10/2005

A Guckerty Mess:
The Rude Pundit would like to join his fellows in Left Blogsylvania who have been ever-so-busy exposing ersatz Talon "News" reporter Jeff Gannon as the Jim Guckert that he is. The Rude Pundit wants to feel the sweet yippee, the jouissance that comes from doing in a conservative cocksucker (in the literal and figurative senses of the word). Surely, surely, Guckert is deserving of contempt, utter, disgusted contempt: a closeted homophobe who "developed" gay porn websites with wondrous, compelling names like militaryescortsm4M.com, URLs that would seem to suggest that Guckert could provide one with a closeted homosexual member of the armed forces to roughly fuck you in the ass. The Rude Pundit wants to dance with delight that it's been revealed that a sycophantic, fawning pseudo-reporter was a clear fake, but was given White House press corps credentials and even got to ask the President a question at a press conference, a question that may as well (and most presciently) have been "Mr. President, may I walk up to the podium, take out your penis, and fellate you here in front of the rest of the reporters so everyone would know who loves you best? No, seriously, can I massage your cock into erection and go down on that hard meat pole like a starved spider monkey on a ripe, sweet banana? 'Cause I will."

Yeah, the Rude Pundit wants to jump on that train, what with the access that Gannon/Guckert was given, including the memo that revealed Ambassador Joseph Wilson's wife was an undercover CIA operative (oh, and how gay Guckert was at the thought that he might be subpoenaed), what with the fact that a man with a pseudonym and no discernible journalistic experience beyond his employment by a fake news front website for GOPUSA.com was called on in the daily press briefings with a regularity that would make Brit Hume wonder if he's not givin' the love enough. And the Rude Pundit knows, he fuckin' knows that, along with the "revelations" that the White House is paying off conservative "commentators" to promote its policies, that Gannon is just part and parcel of a conservative propaganda machine that knows no bounds, not here, not overseas.

And now that the mainstream media have picked up the story, just barely, the Rude Pundit wants to head into the fray and say, hey, Wolf Blitzer and Howard Kurtz, you ten-cent a blow whores, we only give a shit that Gannon/Guckert's queer because he's enabling an administration that has staked out a reactionary position on gay rights. Self-hating homosexuals are endlessly fascinating, endlessly pathetic, endlessly hoping to be caught so that the lies can end. We know that the sex angle is the only reason that anyone outside of Left Blogsylvania gives a shit. But what's more important here? The fact that there's a good chance that Gannon/Guckert is secretly a chowdereater of absurd appetites who can't get enough of that Army/Navy jizz in his mouth? Or that the Bush administration is so manipulative of the smallest aspects of its message that free press means to them "free to say only what we want them to say"? Of course this is about something bigger: it's about the control of the public through the control of the media and the control of the media through the control of access. And of course we know that if this was the Clinton era, the uproar on the right would be deafening.

The Rude Pundit does find it immensely hypocritical that right-wing blogs were fuckin' lionized in the "mainstream" press for "exposing" the Dan Rather/memo fuck-up, but, for some reason, the left wing blogs like Kos, World O'Crap, Atrios, and AmericaBlog are perceived to be on some kind of maniacal witch hunt. Most absurdly, Howard Kurtz uses Glenn Reynolds, the conservative wackjob with the blog "Instapundit," to discredit the Gannon/Guckert embarassment.

God, the Rude Pundit wants to have fun with this. He even started this entry with this: "James Guckert, aka 'Jeff Gannon,' former ace reporter for the Talon 'News' Service and fallen member of the White House press corps, awoke this morning and realized his ass was stuck to the sheets of his bed. He knew he should have bathed or at least wiped off the semen better last night, after getting roughly fucked by a train of gay male Marines who ain't askin', ain't tellin', and ain't pullin' out when they come in your bunghole. Guckert closed his eyes in sweet memory of the evening, his first where he didn't have to worry anymore who saw him when he headed into that bar down in Newport News, Virginia, the one with no real name, but it's a place where hot military studs who love to suck cock and get their cocks sucked can dance freely. Guckert had driven by it so many times, all the better to get 'material' for the websites, including MilitaryEscortsM4M.com. "

But the Rude Pundit's heart wasn't in it. He wasn't in the mood to stick out his finger and give a Nelson Muntz "Ha-ha." Because, ultimately, it's not about hypocrisy anymore. That's too easy. It's about illness, a sickness that has infected this country through the willful ignorance that has pervaded our cable channels, our airwaves.

More on that illness tomorrow (with lots of hot sex talk), but for today let's just offer this: like a good Soviet apparatchik who has fallen into disgrace, Gannon/Guckert's work has been scrubbed from the Talon "News" website and from GOPUSA.com. Soon, when the story dies down, despite the best efforts of Representative Louise Slaughter, Gannon/Guckert will more than likely have been disappeared (or gotten a book contract or pulled a David Brock).

But despite the exposure of its most obvious cheerleader, we'll still have a press corps that is, at the minimum, deferential to the whims and words of the White House without any follow-up, without any accountability. With or without Gannon/Guckert, that ain't stopping any time soon. Propaganda is most effectively spread when it's presented under the guise of objectivity.