Christ Weary Over Gannon/Guckert:
What is this world coming to when you can't even rely on the most hate-filled, self-righteous, arrogant fucks this side of John Negroponte to come through for you? The Gannon/Guckert story is a low hanging curve ball right to the inside for the Christian right, yet they refuse to swing. Gay prostitute in the middle of the Christian President's White House? C'mon, this is like a black man in the South in the 1920s fucking a white woman in the middle of a Klan meeting because the flames of the burning cross are so romantic. It's like a mohel walking into the middle of Hitler rally and saying, "Who wants a circumcision? I'll give you a good price." It's like an Iraqi walking into Abu Ghraib, dropping his pants, and saying, "I know where the weapons are, and I bet you can't beat it out of me."

Where are all the playa haters? All the motherfuckers who are so anti-gay marriage and anti-homosexuality in general? James Dobson, a man so uptight he has to crowbar his ass cheeks open so he can get rid of some of the shit he's full of, and his Focus on the Family offer fuckin' pamphlets on whether or not "marriage is in trouble," and books on how to "deal" with a gay relative. Concerned Women For America, a group of beaten-down fuck dolls and breeding toys of the fundamentalist patriarchy, can't get enough of the gay-hatin'. Here's an entire fuckin' list of shit that's got their granny panties in a wad, including adoption by gays, transgender golfers, and gay tourism.

And, you know, c'mon, the fuckin' Agape Press, the AP wannabe of fundamentalism, has written not a single word about Gannon or Guckert. Yet they still have plenty of time to rip on The Simpsons and its outing of Marge's sister as emblematic of Hollywood liberalism. 'Cause, see, cartoon dykestry is far, far more important than a real, live, lying assfucker in the White House.

What issue related to homosexuals has gotten the Christian right all hot and bothered? If you guessed gays in the British Navy, you're on the ball - not in a gay way, unless you wanna be. The Family Policy Network and others can't get enough of Agape's coverage of this issue that matters to the hearts of every American Navy veteran who thinks, "Huh, when I fucked that guy in the berth above me while we were on patrol in the Pacific, I wasn't gay. Now when he sucked my dick, yeah, he was a fag."

You gotta think that the hateful, gaybashing, repressed men who weep while they masturbate to images of a buff George Bush in Uncle Sam garb gotta be shaking with rage at not being able to lash out at Gannon/Guckert. You know their cogs and wheels are steamin' up and breakin' down, Looney Tunes-style, trying to come up with ways to justify their silence on the matter. ("Well, the boy does say he's a Christian now, and anyone can forget to take down a nudie picture of themselves from the Internet.") You know that they're gonna be projecting that bile and unquenchable need to condemn onto so, so many other things. You know that, like anyone who ever has had a sweet taste of genuine power, they are going to throw aside their morality and beliefs to cling to it, like a rat surfing home on the debris of a sunken ship.