This motherfucking year. I mean, we were already on the express train to Fuckedsville even before COVID reared its spiky head and turbocharged this shit, this 2020, these 12 months that felt like a generation burnt up and was gone. Think about it: Even without coronavirus and the economic collapse that accompanied it, we'd have had the Black Lives Matter uprising, the climate-driven conflagrations out West, the friggin' impeachment of our goddamn president (yeah, that was this year), the election, and the deaths of both Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Chadwick Boseman (I know, but that one hurt particularly badly). Jesus fuck, I'm nauseous writing all that out, and that's just in the United States. You wanna talk Australian fires? Brexit? Other weather shit in Pakistan, India, and elsewhere?
And the worst part is that because Trump's fuckery is going to continue into January, we're more or less living in 2020 until January 20, when the Secret Service will be allowed to tackle Trump and drag his saggy ass out of the White House if he refuses to leave. That would start things off on a high note.
So around these parts, we always kick the calendar year's ass out the door with haiku, those little 3-line poems you were forced to write in grade school and everyone made it about farts, except for that one kid who took it seriously and wrote something so beautiful it made the teacher cry and believe, once again, that her career choice was right. What was I talking about?
Oh, yeah, haiku. Send me yours. Here's the deal:
Submit your haiku about anything you want having to do with the cursed 2020 to "rudepundit(at)yahoo(dot)com." I'm the only judge and jury here, and I am generally fickle, drunk, high, and yelling at pigeons.
I'm also a stickler for the form: one line of 5 syllables, one line of 7 syllables, and one line of 5 syllables, in that order. They can be as filthy, funny, or fucked-up as you like. You can be serious, silly, or sanctimonious. Titled or untitled. The ones I like the best get published on here over the next few days, so lemme know what name you want on it (in case your boss or mate or Mom sees it) and where you're from. Like "Trump's Loser Bitch Face from Cockring, NH" or "Linda from San Francisco" or something.
Here's a few to inspire you:
