The Ideological Bankruptcy of the Republican Party (Part 1):
As conservatives continue to lick their wounded asses and try to figure out just how they got so badly chewed in the November elections, one thing has come into clear relief, like Brigadoon emerging from the foggy moors: these are profoundly stupid people. Their version of self-reflection goes like this: "Huh, I tried to fuck this weasel, but it didn't want to be fucked, so it bit me on the balls. Maybe next time I'll put on different colored underwear." It simply doesn't occur to them that perhaps the problem is they shouldn't try to fuck weasels.

Which, of course, is the best lead-in to discussing conservative writer Jonah "Lucianne Makes Me Lick the Sweat Off Her Tits" Goldberg's latest "column" (if by "column," you mean, "words waterboarded into sounding like an approximation of an idea"). Goldberg knows the problem: "The GOP is not a Christian club," but it seems that way to those who are not Christian, specifically Asian Americans.

Actually, there's a paragraph by Goldberg that needs to be quoted extensively in order to get the full facial of fucktardery: "President Obama did spectacularly well with Asian Americans, garnering nearly three-quarters of their vote. This runs counter to a lot of conventional wisdom on both the left and the right. On average, Asian American family income is higher and poverty is lower than it is for non-Latino whites. Entrepreneurship, family cohesion and traditional values all run strong among Asian Americans, and reliance on government runs weak."

Now, you might read that and think, "Well, obviously, they looked at the values and policies that the Republican Party represents, including the crass emphasis on financial acquisition, the demonization of those in need, the constant barrage of anti-immigrant sentiments, and the insistence on government interference in the most intimate aspects of people's lives, and they made the well-reasoned decision to tell the GOP to go fuck itself."

But, then again, you probably wouldn't write, as Goldberg does, "Well, Indian Americans earn like Jews and ... vote like Jews." You also gotta love the awesome racism of elevating Asian Americans over blacks and Hispanics.

The devolved mutant heir of William F. Buckley's movement posits, "Perhaps the most common explanation for the GOP's problem with Asian Americans is the party's pronounced embrace of Christianity, which turns off many Jews as well." Jews and Buddhists and Hindus, man, always thinking about their faith over their nation. What's wrong with them? So Goldberg's solution is...well, not really a solution at all. It's more or less "Let's reach out to the non-Christians while making sure we don't alienate the Christians."

You just wanna grab Goldberg by his sweaty collar, smack his greasy face a couple of times, and say, "No, you pampered twat, it's not the messaging. It's the underlying ideology." Goldberg and most of the right are stunningly blind to this. They are betting that Americans are too stupid to know what the GOP actually believes and wants to do.

But November demonstrated that Americans do understand it and reject it, pretty much everywhere except, you know, places where people actually did vote the way they did almost solely because they're white and Christian.