Torture Enabler John Yoo Tries Again to Justify His Awful Existence:
If you're male and law professor and former Bush administration Justice Department official John Yoo were ever to kick you in the balls, he'd try to convince you that your balls got in the way of a legitimate place his foot could go. He'd write a long memo about legal precedence of the foot over the balls and how contact with said balls is not only protected, but, indeed, part and parcel of a view of foot supremacy that says the balls are merely low-hanging orbs to be batted out its way.

In other words, John Yoo is a motherfucker. The dude who crafted the legal justification for the CIA to use waterboarding and other charming "enhanced interrogation techniques" has been out in the right-wing nutzoidosphere frantically re-re-re-arguing that the killing of Osama bin Laden has given his pathetic life meaning. Here he is in today's Wall Street Journal (motto: "Rupert Murdoch's asshole smells of wallaby meat"): "Sunday's success also vindicates the Bush administration...The United States located al Qaeda's leader by learning the identity of a trusted courier from the tough interrogations of Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, the architect of the 9/11 attacks, and his successor, Abu Faraj al-Libi." Except, you know, chances are that Mohammed didn't give up the real info until after the torture ended.

'Cause, see, here's the Washington Post on September 10, 2006: The team searching for bin Laden "have not received a credible lead in more than two years. Nothing from the vast U.S. intelligence world -- no tips from informants, no snippets from electronic intercepts, no points on any satellite image -- has led them anywhere near the al-Qaeda leader, according to U.S. and Pakistani officials." Waterboarding was halted by Michael Hayden earlier in 2006.

Then Yoo disappears into fantasyland, where a pussy Barack Obama can't tie his own shoes, let alone deal with terrorists: "Imagine what would have happened if the Obama administration had been running things immediately following 9/11. After their 'arrest,' we would have read KSM and al-Libi their Miranda rights, provided them legal counsel, sent them to the U.S. for detention, and granted them all the rights provided a U.S. citizen in criminal proceedings." He faults Obama for not capturing bin Laden alive and then torturing him (no, really). He concludes by calling on the President to restart the interrogation techniques.

Goddamnit, you gotta give Yoo points for consistency. This motherfucker has been making his pro-torture case for years now. He is out there constantly, making sure that his legacy, long after his foul tenure ended, is something more than "that creepy cocksucker who degraded America." No, he's gotta make it that he is responsible in some small way for getting to bin Laden, when, in reality, all he did was piss on the Constitution because, he said, the ink needed a good cleaning.