12/29/2009

Our Destruction Seeds Sown: A Final "Fuck Off" to This Awful Decade (Part 2):
Yesterday, the Rude Pundit specifically cited unfeeling machines that are sucking the lifeforce out of human beings as one of the primary reasons we leave the first decade of the millenium as isolated, soulless zombies clinging Gollum-like to our precious material goods while hawking ourselves in public like each of us is publicist, pimp, and whore rolled into one.

Today, the Rude Pundit gives fuck-off's to a few of the people who have done the heavy lifting in creating an America (and, in some cases, a world) that is stuck in a speeding semi with its brakes out, heading for that lake up ahead.

(Note: These must be people who have or had real power to affect our daily lives whether we pay attention or not. So there will be no cutesy "Simon Cowell" or "Kanye West" references. Also, today the Rude Pundit's concentrating on American politics.)

Part 2: These White Men Are Gonna Get Us All Killed:
1. Fuck off, Al Gore. If you wanted to pinpoint a single reason that this decade has sucked the hair off monkey balls, you would have to pick the moment that Al Gore decided to be a pussy and give up on the 2000 election. In what should have been a slamdunk of an election, Gore ran away from the Clinton legacy and into a tight race with an inbred Mongoloid. It's not just his stupid-ass decision to want a recount in isolated places in Florida instead of the whole state or his legal team's stupid-ass argument before an already-tilted Supreme Court. It's that if he had wanted and asked, the power was within a single Senator to stop the certification of an election he knew was fucked. It was as if Gore didn't want to inconvenience anyone at that moment, thus maintaining a Democratic pattern that exists to this day. Sure, he's done a great deal of good in "raising awareness" as a glorified spokesmodel for global warming. But do you see any major action occurring to, shit, stop global warming? You know how you could have actually accomplished some of those green goals, Al? By being fucking president.

2. Fuck off, Joe Lieberman. Thanks, Joe Lieberman, for elevating Ingrate to a level of consciousness on the way to Dick Nirvana. You were a shitty running mate, a presidential candidate whose only qualifications were a nation-sized ego and a desire to bomb the shit out of any place that winked at Israel, and a backstabbing motherfucker to the party that got you in office in the first place. You lost a legitimately fought primary challenge in 2006 and you decided it would be better to tell Democratic voters to go fuck themselves. And then, even though Barack Obama campaigned for you in that 2006 primary, you supported John McCain for President, even speaking at the Republican convention. And after Obama made sure you retained your Homeland Security chair, you decided the best way to repay him would be to fuck up his agenda and give Republicans more power than you would dare to give Democrats. The most aggravating part? You seem blissfully unaware of what a scabby cocksucker you really are.

3. Fuck off, George H. W. Bush. Goofy and disconnected a motherfucker though he may be, as shitty a president as he was, no one ever thought Bush, Sr. was stupid. But his failure to publicly call out his son for essentially wrecking the meager legacy he had left behind assured the Iraq "war" would happen. Sound harsh, expecting a father to turn on a son? Bullshit. He was the fucking president once. And he decided to put family over country. He has blood on his hands without even being in office.

4. Fuck off, Rudy Giuliani. A ghoulish, greedy bastard who should have been whipped into the streets like a rabid cur after 9/11. Instead, in the greatest non-Bush manipulation of the event, Giuliani parlayed the attack on his city into a fucking bonanza. And it seemed like every mainstream pundit went along with it: why wouldn't you want the man who presided over the degradation of his fire and police communication systems, thus leading to hundreds of potentially avoidable deaths, to be your president? Why wouldn't you trust the judgment of the man who put his emergency command center in the very building attacked once before and who recommended a sub-bouncer thug like Bernard Kerik to head up the federal department charged with securing the homeland? The final insult is that he profits mightily off the security consulting firm he runs, which is a little like John Wayne Gacy running a daycare center.

5-500ish. Fuck-off, George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, Karl Rove, and every member of his administration. If you don't know why, then fuck off yourself.

Tomorrow: A few more people who can kiss our asses at the end of the Aughts.

Correction: Stupid fuck-up earlier calling Gore "a Senator." That's been changed because it was a stupid fuck-up. (Hat tip for Steve L.)