Why Does Conservative Spoogebucket Kevin McCullough Hate the Gays So Much?:
Oh, poor, poor Kevin McCullough. In addition to his writing, he calls his "movement" the "Musclehead Revolution." He co-hosts a weekly radio show with Stephen Baldwin that is called, no shit, "BMXtreme Radio." The "BM" stunningly does not stand for "bowel movement," which, considering the quality of the whole affair, would seem logical. His most recent book purports to tell men how to be better men. Everything about McCullough screams, "I am so in denial about my deep desire to suck dicks that I will do everything I can to stop others from being happy." And, of course, he loves him some Jesus.

In his latest "column" (if by "column," you mean, "the crust underneath the rim of the rhetorical toilet that is Townhall.com), McCullough goes after "the Prop 8 H8ters" for what he sees as their "behavior" after the passage of the amendment to the California constitution defining marriage as being only between a man and a woman. See, the protesters are "ignorant" because "they don't seem to understand the validity of Constitutional authority, Constitutional law, and Constitutional rule."

Not only that, but these people, who, according to McCullough, disrupt churches and spit in the faces of old women, are after something more deeply sinister: they want any gay-bashing to be a hate crime, a horrific future where "it will be considered a crime to even say that choosing to engage in homosexual activity is immoral, or unhealthy, or heaven forbid, just plain wrong." How this blanket ban on a form of speech is to be achieved by allowing gays to get legally married is unclear in McCullough's writing. It's just a form of illogic that proceeds illogically from the previous bits of illogic. It's kind of like saying the only way to protect yourself from your latent desire to be roughly banged by James Dobson is to ban ass fucking. Um, one has to ask, how does A get us to B and back again?

Of course, the money shot right in the face is the conclusion: "These activists h8te God, they h8te those who believe in God, and ultimately their argument is with Him and against Him. And if they believe America is uncomfortable as it is now, wait until they are faced with more eternal choices - should they choose to reject Him."

Boo-yah - that's a whole blown load of Jesus jizz runnin' down your chin there. Whatever vaguely rational argument McCullough might have been attempting to belch forth is transformed into filthy street corner rantings about godless homosexuals going to Hell.

How fun it must be in the studio with McCullough and the born-again Baldwin, with McCullough staring longingly at the former straight-to-DVD film actor. How McCullough must tremble a bit as Baldwin's lips press against the microphone head. How he must rush back to his office and viciously spank himself to his poster of Bio-Dome and then, when he's about to come, slamming his keyboard on his nuts repeatedly for letting the dirty thoughts in.