Advice to Soul-Searching Conservatives: Stop Being Such Jerks:
What pissed off many, many Democrats for the two presidential elections before this one wasn't just that we lost. It's also that the wins could easily be viewed in a range from "illegitimate" (definitely in 2000, possibly in 2004) to "really, really suspicious" (definitely in 2000 and 2004). So when we got our lawsuit on and were pretty goddamned angry, it wasn't just sour grapes. It's that we thought we had won.

Conservatives can't claim that in any rational way this time. 2008 wasn't an electoral or popular vote squeaker. John McCain just fucking lost and Barack Obama won. While some conservatives have been downright gracious and others have respected the win while promising hearty opposition, there's also been a vomiting to the fore of the nutbags who think the apocalypse is nigh in the Reign of Obama.

Here's some advice to conservatives seeking to define who they are in an America that said, "Suck on this" to them and voted for the Democrat: Stop being such fucking jerks about shit. Sure, sure, this advice comes from someone who believes that conservative ideology needs to be burned to the ground and the ashes made into an artificial ass that he can then fuck into dust that he can then take a post-orgasm piss on, but, you know, otherwise it comes from the heart.

There's gotta be a lot of people on the right who are just embarrassed by the stupid shit that anti-Obama-ites have been doing and saying. The spike in gun sales by those fearing that Obama will personally take away their assault weapons is like watching mad mongoloids rush for the last cup of pudding at the group home. Proving once again nothing says "I'm an easily manipulated pussy" like buying more and bigger guns, the whole surge in purchases is being fanned by people with, let's say, a vested interest in making sure the nutbags plunk down their diminishing savings on that new Glock: the firearms industry and the NRA (motto: "Scaring you stupid fucks into giving us more and more money for at least 30 years").

And then there's the other nutbags that are rearing their eye-spinning heads. Not just the usual array of Limbaughs, Coulters, and oh-so many Hannities. Now we have recently re-elected Georgia Republican Congressman Paul Broun, who said that Barack Obama wants his own private Gestapo to control Americans: "That's exactly what Hitler did in Nazi Germany and it's exactly what the Soviet Union did...When he's proposing to have a national security force that's answering to him, that is as strong as the U.S. military, he's showing me signs of being Marxist." Obama was talking about a strong civilian service corps to handle post-disaster problems, like the Gulf Coast after Katrina. But, sure, yeah, Hitler's citizen reconstruction force was well-known for its harsh house-building techniques, so let's be careful.

But Broun's a bag of unusually strong-shelled nuts. At the January 2008 "March for Life" anti-choice rally in DC, he offered his support for every self-taintlicker in the crowd: "God cannot and will not continue to bless a nation that murders over 3,000 innocent babies every day and I will do everything in my power to end this massacre of innocent life." To which, it cannot be repeated enough, how'd that lack of blessings work out for you, Christian right?

In attacking illegal immigration, Broun also asserted back in March that "roughly 40 percent of the people that are intercepted crossing our border are not Mexicans." The real number is more like 7%. Broun, speaking at a hearing of the House Homeland Security Committee, added, "[T]here is quite a large number of people that are coming across the border that are of Middle Eastern origin as well as Asian origin. A lot of these are single; they have no families. I don't think they're coming here to cut our grass or work in our chicken plants." Beyond whether it's the dream of every illegal immigrant to mow Broun's lawn or throttle his cock, the "large number of people" from those countries he mentions was 297 in 2007. Holy shit, where's that fuckin' fence?

In other words (and there will be more to say on this), Republicans are teetering on the verge of letting the fringiest of the fringes run the show. Evangelicals and other conservatives are thrilled that they've shoved out moderates in favor of creepy, racist, homophobic, fetus-huggers like Broun. Is that where the right wants to head? Is that the lesson of 2008?

And if so, the Rude Pundit can only say, "Please."