Why Ann Coulter Is a Cunt (Dictator-Humping Edition):
Imagine for a moment what it must be like for Ann Coulter each week as she sits down to write her "column." You sift through the various cocktail napkins, toilet paper squares, and Prada receipts on which you scrawled the different bon mots about those silly Democrats, cutting little lines you conjured during the week and just had to scribble before you lost them. You look at the pile of shredded paper and get depressed, so you burn your left tit with your lit cigarette to inspire you. You take a gander at your recent columns to see just how bugfuck insane you actually got, not really remembering exactly what you wrote since it all gets dumped in a scotch haze, like all those cocks you have to keep on sucking - how can one keep track of which one belongs to which Murdoch or Ailes? Christ, you sigh, seeing how you recently wrote about what a great man Joseph McCarthy was, how you actually rewrote the poignant anti-Holocaust statement to make it refer to the alleged silencing of right-wing voices, saying, "First they came for Rush Limbaugh, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't Rush Limbaugh..."

Truly, and, indeed, it gets wearying, having to think about how to top yourself each and every week. You get frustrated and cut your thighs with a razor, frantically lubricating your twat with the blood so you can attempt a rough fingering of your calloused clit until suddenly inspiration strikes.

If anyone can point out any other way that Ann Coulter writes her columns, the Rude Pundit would be glad to hear it. For, logically, how else could she actually type (or dictate to a cowering assistant who has watched Coulter do all of the above) the following: "If Republicans end up with a divided convention between Mitt Romney and Rudy Giuliani, I say we pick Gen. Pervez Musharraf." What follows is a series of statements about Musharraf, praising him for imposing emergency rule, for shutting down the Supreme Court of Pakistan, and for ordering the police to beat rioting lawyers. And then, without any sense of irony, she says how great it is that Musharraf wants to make Pakistan a more democratic place. (Along with mocking Pakistani bathing habits.)

The Rude Pundit's not going to argue with Coulter's "points," because it is futile beyond futility to say that Coulter is wrong that the mainstream media hasn't criticized Benazir Bhutto, or that to compare Pervez Musharraf to Turkey's Mustafa Kemal Ataturk ("Pakistan's Ataturk is Gen. Musharraf") is like comparing Ann Coulter to Mark Twain. Coulter doesn't give a fuck about logic, facts, history, or truth. It is agitation for agitation's sake. And for profit's sake. If she doesn't slake her drooling fans' thirst for outrage, then she's just another used-up bimbo with Australian cum in her long blonde hair.

By the way, for a more realistic view of Musharraf, check out Ali Eteraz in The Guardian: "The current tyrant, meanwhile, is not only less popular than Bin Laden, but he is completely inept in counteracting terrorism. He has: failed to reform the madrassas; cultivated a Kangaroo Sharia court in his backyard for six months which he could use for political benefit; killed those that kept the Taliban at bay; considered appeasing the militants by letting them implement Sharia; turned Pakistan into a state sponsor of terrorism; made alliances with pro-Taliban parties; and even engaged in what are being called crimes against humanity. My editor at Jewcy reminded me that Musharraf is so frightening to terrorists that al-Qaida mastermind Khaled Sheikh Mohammad literally lived within 10 miles of him. This is the man that John Negroponte at the State Department considers 'indispensable.'"

The man whose stubby leg Coulter humps like a bitch in heat.