11/14/2005

Rude Advice To Democrats: Resistance Is an Agenda:
There's precious few things we can say about the American people in general that'd be true, especially when it comes to politics. Yer pundits like to talk about Americans loving strength, commitment, and shit like that in their leaders. But that's not really entirely true: Americans like things to be concrete. They like practice, not theory. It's why Bush will never, ever recover public support on the Iraq war: it was sold to the U.S. based on a couple of concrete things - WMDs and and Iraq/Al-Qaeda nexus of eeeevil. It is now being waged based on something abstract: spreadin' democracy to freedom lovin' people.

See, you tell your average American that a man with brownish skin who talks a weird moonman language that he wants to blow your shit up, well, what are you gonna do? Say "No" to blowin' him up first? 'Course not. It's a simple, economical equation: kill or be killed. But when you gotta come back to that average American, that idealized version of a citizen that doesn't really exist, and say, "Hey, man, our shit wasn't about to be fucked up, but, lookie, we're 'spreadin' democracy' with our troops," well, you may as well start jackin' off now 'cause you'll be told repeatedly to "Go fuck yourself."

Americans hate utopianism. It's one reason why liberalism failed in this nation: for too long, the practical, actual, real things that liberals did got caught up in utopian bullshit that was easily manipulated to sound faux communistic. Without the nukes, without the photos of Hussein and Bin Laden playin' grab ass, the President has had to say, repeatedly, that the Iraq war is about "building democracy," and that those who are fighting the U.S. troops there are trying to stop democracy from being built. Ideal Average American thought the troops were there to stop the bad man and his bad bombs.

So what poll numbers indicate is that the vast majority of Americans believe not only that Bush is as worthless as a midget trying to fuck an Amazon warrior, but that Republicans are busy harming America, and they want the Republican agenda stopped. Now. Americans want resistance, active, ongoing resistance to the crazed machinations of the now obviously evil people running things.

The right loves to say any time the Democrats resist or block a Republican bill or nominee or idea, "Well, Democrats, why don't you tell us what you'd like to do? What's your plan?" That's like a rapist getting kicked in the nuts by his potential victim and then asking her, "Well, okay, since you don't want to be fucked, what would you like to do?" The only proper response is not for the victim to suggest alternate activities ("Well, rapist, we could play a lively game of whist"), but to say, "I'd like you to be dead. No, no, even better, I'd like you to be buried alive. In a small coffin. Filled with scorpions. And covered in shit."

Resistance is an agenda. It's simply explained: hey, the bag of douche Republicans won't even allow Democratic ideas to be debated, so we're gonna filibuster the shit out of these assholes on most of their extreme shit and force compromise or implosion. And if you wanna have new ideas, then get rid of these crazy motherfuckers who want to wreck the country for this strange, endless utopian vision they have that they can't really explain to the rest of us.

Democrats in the Senate need to filibuster, constantly, because they can. Because, like David only havin' a little fuckin' rock in a leather sack against big-ass Goliath, they have God on their side in the form of poll numbers that say the direction of the country is wrong. You may say, "But, oh, dear, if Democrats simply stand in the way of things being done, they will be portrayed as obstructionists." And the Rude Pundit would get all Zen and shit and say, "Is a dam obstructionist to a river that would wash away a town?" Then he'd smile as you try to figure that out as he comes on to your boyfriend or girlfriend.

Resistance leaders are revered as heroes in other nations, especially when they take on a monolithic, seemingly undefeatable opponent. Their rewards are power with which they can then either imitate the foul leaders just ousted or forge a new bond with the average citizen.