John Bolton, Crazy Man:
Has anyone actually come up with a reason to vote for John Bolton for the United States Ambassador to the U.N.? Other than, you know, he was nominated by President Bush, whose popularity is sinking so fast that Hell can't get his shit room built fast enough for his inevitable coke-driven murder/suicide rampage. And Bolton apparently once or twice didn't piss on the heads of foreign leaders. The Rude Pundit is no wise and true Republican Senator, but isn't it kind of an insult to be told to support someone who, at minimum, is mean, aggressive, and egomaniacal, or, to be really honest, is as crazy as a shithouse rat? In fact, a shithouse rat would be a more sensible choice for the U.N.

The Rude Pundit has already addressed Bolton's past as a motherfucker of the people last week and last month, twice, including Bolton's attempts to have fired a female attorney who took a leave of absence from the Department of Justice back in the 1980s, Bolton's own words about the U.N. being worthless, his enabling of the Iran-Contra cover-up, his trashing of Clinton's Iraq policy (which turned out, of course, to have done the trick on WMDs), his bizarre support of genocides in Bosnia and Rwanda, and more, more, so much more.

But, in the last week or so, so much has come out about Bolton, after his bizarro confirmation hearing where he had to promise over and over that, no, really, really, he loved the U.N. and didn't want the building blown up and Kofi Annan forced to drink barrels of Iraqi oil. It was a fuckin' disgrace: it's like hiring a gay man to fuck your wife and he has to tell you over and over, no, he really, really loves to eat pussy. No, look, c'mon, he's fucked a woman or two in his life, not just men. Sure, it might be fun to watch the disaster that that fuck session would be, but ultimately everyone's gonna end up unfulfilled. And why? Because you were a stupid shithead in hiring a gay guy to fuck your wife.

And Bolton promises to be the kind of guy who stands in the corner and jacks off while his partner weeps in bed, screamin', "Look at my throbbing, massive cock. You don't get any of it. It's all for me, bitch," smackin' that meat like it's a Frenchman's ass. Then, 'cause he's, you know, batshit insane, Bolton would howl as he came on your curtains, howl and dance in triumph that he jacked off once again.

So now we know Bolton bullied underlings by screaming at them. A "serial abuser," Carl Ford, Jr. called him, and he wasn't talking about Bolton's fury that Cap'n Crunch has a more lustrous moustache. We know that Bolton prevented Colin Powell from receiving full information about strategies that concerned U.S. relations with Iran, outright lying to Richard Armitage when asked a direct question about one piece of info. We know that, according to a letter posted at Kos, Bolton went completely fucked-in-the-head-where's-the-tranq-gun insane on a USAID subcontractor in Moscow: "Mr. Bolton proceeded to chase me through the halls of a Russian hotel -- throwing things at me, shoving threatening letters under my door and, generally, behaving like a madman . . . John Bolton put me through hell -- and he did everything he could to intimidate, malign and threaten not just me, but anybody unwilling to go along with his version of events. His behavior back in 1994 wasn't just unforgivable, it was pathological." And we're not even gettin' into his role in stopping the recount in Florida in 2000.

So here's our nominee, someone who abuses people below him, lies to people above him, and smears his body with his own shit in tribute to Edwin Meese. And Republicans who allegedly have souls, like Chuck Hagel and Lincoln Chafee, are "considering" not approving him? Talk to Henry Foster, Clinton's Surgeon General nominee, who was filibustered to death by Republicans because he had performed abortions, a legal medical procedure. Or, more appropriately, talk to Sam Brown, a nominee to be a low-level ambassador to an international conference, filibustered to death by Republicans in 1994 because, interestingly enough, of Brown's previous comments like "I take second place to no one in my hatred of intelligence organizations," and, of course, the fact that he was a vocal Vietnam War protester.

There's any number of previous presidential appointment filibusters to provide cover for a wayward Republican. Of course, that would require courage, and nowadays, no one in the "moderate" side of the Republican party has the courage of a small child on a tire swing over a pond. They won't plunge in to the cool, refreshing, liberating water. They've gotta stick their toes into the water to see if they can take it.