Fuck "Judge Not" - Ye Be Judged:
The Rude Pundit wishes he could attend the hatefest this week in D.C. called "Confronting the Judicial War on Faith." How he wishes he had the time and expense account and remaining stomach lining to check into the Georgetown Holiday Inn and party it up with all the white people who'll be there, all the tight-assed male scolds who all seem to have the same oh-so-hot-but-untouchable young female assistant/secretary. Sweet mercy, he wishes he could have drinks at the Marriott bar, using lines like "I have a gavel in my pants and if you can find it, I'll rule you out of order," or "Wanna come up to my room and obey my ten commandments?" or "Suck my habeas corpus" to get one or two or three of 'em to come back to the Rude Pundit's room at the Georgetown Holiday Inn.
He wishes he could attend the many and sundry sessions, all featuring panels or speakers who want to halt the rape that so many Republican-appointed rabid dog judges have inflicted on the holy asses of the Christian faithful (with the occasional bone thrown to Jews, but only the Orthodox ones). Like Rick Scarborough, head of Vision America, which seeks to create a network of "Patriot Pastors" who get their flock out to vote like the good sheep they are. Scarborough has finely tuned his demented paranoia. Said Scarborough in his "book" Enough is Enough: "Those who are anti-God and anti-Christian in America have infiltrated the highest levels of the educational establishment. They have a philosophical commitment to eliminating any vestige of biblical Christianity from American thought and life. They are well-positioned, well-funded and well-connected. They are a very small minority in America, yet their level of commitment is rarely matched among Christians."
He wishes he could attend the Judge Roy Moore hookah party, where all the participants will get to suck down that sweet intoxicating smoke which says that putting a huge goddamn monument in a public building is not activism, but saying get rid of the fucking thing is. Herb Titus, Moore's chief counsel, will be on a panel on "the Real Constitution." Titus was the 1996 Vice Presidential nominee for the Constitution Party, which, in its platform, says, "All teaching is related to basic assumptions about God and man. Education as a whole, therefore, cannot be separated from religious faith. The law of our Creator assigns the authority and responsibility of educating children to their parents" and of homosexuals, "We reject the notion that sexual offenders are deserving of legal favor or special protection, and affirm the rights of states and localities to proscribe offensive sexual behavior." Whee, what wonders about the Constitution can be learned, but, alas, alas, the Rude Pundit won't be there, even though Moore himself'll be speaking.
He won't be at the Terri Schiavo memorial orgy, where an attorney for the Schindlers, David C. Gibbs, will whip everyone into a fever pitch about the vile, depraved Supreme Court that allowed Schiavo to die. With lines like "When you think of America, remember God’s wonderful blessings bestowed upon our nation, but ask yourself whether God will automatically continue to bless our nation if we abandon Him," panties will be wet and crotches tented. Then he'll have everyone drink an ecstasy-laced tea made of mint and Schiavo's ashes so that everyone'll have a bit of Terri inside them, well, before they piss it out. That'll be followed by the lamest orgy in history, with the missionary position only allowed, and no contraception, so it'll be a withdrawal slippery spoogefest and lots of curses of "Oh, goobers, I came inside you. Let's hope Jesus doesn't want you to have a baby" and solo women forced to avert their eyes while the men can fondle themselves but not orgasm. All for Terri, man, all for Terri and Jesus and to say the judiciary can kiss their asses. But not in a gay way.
No, the Rude Pundit won't be there to see the vampire visage of Phyllis Schlafly appear or to watch Alan Keyes spit venom in the eyes of the nearest audience members. Nope, he won't even go to see Tom DeLay, that roachfucker. He won't be there to watch the token Jews speak and everyone nod condescendingly. He won't even go to see Evangelist Tim Lee, a Vietnam vet who, he says, had placed sports before God until his legs were blown off by a mine because "God had taken the legs that had carried me from His will."
And why? Why would the Rude Pundit miss such a gathering of blithering, dithering, dangerous idiots, assholes, and charlatans? Such chicanery is manna from heaven, material for bloggery for weeks.
Because the Rude Pundit despises traitors. And anyone who believes that the judiciary of this nation has run amok and must be reined in through legislation, impeachment threats, and/or violence is a traitor, an anti-American Christian extremist who wishes to transform this country into something it is not. A revolutionary in the worst sense, a terrorism-enabler, if you will, but terrorism from white people, 'cause, you know, it's different. And they deserve contempt, derision, and prosecution.
