Christ Weary About Filibusters:
Seriously, and, c'mon, is Jesus really this bored? Is he sittin' there at the right hand of God, pickin' at those hand scabs that never seem to go away, swattin' away the Holy Ghost every time that fuckin' dove tries to peck lice angels out of his beard, thinkin', "Fuck tsunamis, earthquakes, war, horrific poverty, and Britney's pregnancy. What I needs is some motherfuckin' judges approved by the United States Senate."

'Cause that's what the Family Research Council, led by raving lunatic and repressed homosexual James Dobson, would like us to believe. See, they're hosting Justice Sunday on April 24, with featured speakers Senate Majority Leader Bill "the Cat Butcher" Frist, James "The Aforementioned Repressed Homosexual" Dobson, Chuck "I Was Sodomized In Prison For the Crimes of Richard Nixon and I Found Jesus" Colson, and others. The conference/forum/shitbagfest will be about ending the Democratic filibuster on judges, the so-called "nucular option" (because, you know, if George Bush wants us to pronounce the fuckin' word wrong, we should abide, we should abide). Check out the creepy pod-boy on the poster for the event, clutching a Bible and a gavel, with the completely anti-American headline, "He should not have to choose."

Jesus or the gavel, man, Jesus or the gavel. Of course, it'd help if the Family Research Council didn't, as it always does, blatantly lie about the reasons behind the filibusters against the incompetent, radically-conservative apemen and women Bush nominated to the federal bench. Says the FRC's frighteningly named Tony "No, Not That Psycho Guy" Perkins, "They are being blocked because they are people of faith and moral conviction. These are people whose only offense is to say that abortion is wrong or that marriage should be between one man and one woman." Well, no, not really. Without getting into the entire list, let's say quickly: Miguel Estrada? Refused to answer questions or provide documents that might offer some light on what he, say, believes about, well, shit, anything. Priscilla Owen? Endless decisions in favor of corporations over people, and, yes, a radically right-wing agenda on abortion (that caused her to call Alberto Gonzales a "judicial activist" for not being as nuts as she was). And on and on.

But Jesus apparently wants him some judges (which is odd, considering his experience with judges didn't really go all that well) 'cause of the lil' fetuses, all the curled up lil' fetuses, and the vegetable people, all those smilin' vegetable people, and the Ten Commandments, so shiny and granitey and big, and 'cause he wants the non-fetus, non-vegetable people prayin' in the lunch and homerooms of Uhmerka: "Whether it was the legalization of abortion, the banning of school prayer, the expulsion of the 10 Commandments from public spaces, or the starvation of Terri Schiavo, decisions by the courts have not only changed our nation's course, but even led to the taking of human lives. As the liberal, anti-Christian dogma of the left has been repudiated in almost every recent election, the courts have become the last great bastion for liberalism." Jesus, really, shouldn't God give Christ some homework or somethin'.

'Cause, like, if the Rude Pundit were an all-powerful deity, he'd be hangin' out in Africa, smitin' him some Congo rebels and Sudanese leaders. Not kickin' it at a church in Louisville, listenin' to crazed monomaniacal opportunists screech and shout about a technical aspect of the rules of one chamber of a bicameral government. It's like sayin' that Jesus doesn't like it when you can't return an opened DVD to Best Buy. It's ludicrous. It's insignificant. And it's so disgustingly cynical: Frist is doing this almost solely because he actually thinks he can flim-flam people into voting for him for President, and they need more Jesus in the filibuster issue 'cause the Democrats are kickin' the GOP's asses on it. (Shit, we're losin', Karl Rove must have thought, bring me the blood of the Lamb to smear on my naked belly and proclaim for all that Christ needs him some judges.)

And instead of bein' such whiny little pussies about the filibuster, try to elect more crazed Senators who owe oaths of fealty to the fucked-up, deluded radicalism that passes for religion in so many areas of this country. In fact, you better start your campaigns now against John McCain and other Republicans who want the filibuster to stay for a time when the GOP is back in the minority (although we know, we know, Karl Rove is spankin' his cock every night imaginin' a permanent GOP majority).

If Republicans can invoke Christ, then the Democrats can invoke Reagan since most of the judges that said Terri Schiavo must die are Reagan appointees. What's wrong, James Dobson and Bill Frist, are you sayin' that Ronald Reagan was a fool? Are you saying his judgment was worthless? Are you sayin' that the Gipper really was a liberal?

Make 'em make a choice: Jesus or Ronnie. Make 'em have to repudiate Reagan. Force them to eat their own.

(Meanwhile, Bill Frist is itching, praying his own private prayers that Wisconsin would pass its cat-hunting bill. His fingers twitch in memory of his own hunts in the back alleys of Cambridge, his visits to the animal shelters, all to "hone his surgical skills," all that sweet cat slicing, all those beautiful kitty screams that made him the man he is today.)