What Kerry Should Say, Part 2 (Rude Version):
If, at tonight's "town hall debate," when Kerry is asked, "What did you mean in the last debate by 'global test'?", he doesn't answer, "You have got to be motherfucking kidding me, ma'am. That's like asking Martin Luther King if he wipes his ass properly. That's like asking an Iraqi child with his arms blown off by American bombs if he's happy that Saddam's gone. You wanna know what's going on here? You have snorted from the Bush stash. That little bitch hunched on his stool over there has taken two words of mine and thinks he can disembowel me with them. Hey, you stuttering prick, considering your glowing academic career, no fuckin' wonder you're scared shitless of anything that has the word 'test' in it. 'Global motherfucking test' means that you can go anywhere in the goddamn world and talk to any fuckin' person, and you can back your actions up. You can say, 'Hey, look, we were right - motherfucker was gonna bomb the shit out of us.' That means you could walk up to a screaming, bleeding soldier, whose dick was ripped off by a rocket-propelled grenade, and say, 'You know what, man? Sorry about your cock, but you just helped stop the U.S.A. from bein' nuked.' That way, when that soldier is back home, lookin' at the empty space where his dick used to be, he can be proud that he lost his prick savin' the U.S. So that that soldier never has to think, 'Why the fuck was I sent to that motherfuckin' hellhole to lose my cock?' And don't you smirk at me, Bush bitch, or I'll drag you by your balls to the houses of every widow and every mom that's lost a kid and I'll yank down your panties and shove a cattle prod into your sack until you confess, motherfucker, you confess that you knew there were no weapons, that you knew al-Qaeda wasn't there, and that you just rolled the dice and hoped somethin' would turn up, but it's snake eyes, motherfucker, it's snake eyes. And I want you to stand there, pants around your ankles, as the mothers and widows spit on you or punch you or kick your sore nuts. Then I'll drag you around the world so you can grovel on the ground in front of every former ally who said you were wrong and you can bow down, head low, hands outstretched, while they piss and shit on you. And then we'll fly your sore nutted, spat-, pissed-, and shit-upon ass back to the United States and we won't let you clean up, just drag you in front of the television cameras and make you say what every fucking one of us knows: you lied. That, like Jim Jones, you made us believe in shit that was never gonna happen, and we're suckin' on that Kool-Aid, man, we're lappin' it up. Now, tell Karl Rove, who's screaming in your earpiece right now, that I'm gonna fuck his wife in front of him. 'Global test'? Those two words. That's what you're worried about? The world is burning, ma'am, do you fuckin' get that? The goddamned world is burning. And much as the Bush bitch would like you to believe that I'm co-responsible for the world burning, the world is burning on his watch. Your question is born of fear, ma'am. And that lying cockmonger over there has been very, very good at stoking your fears. It's his goal. But the world is burning. The world is burning and that fire's gonna consume us all. It's gonna end up back here in America. And while Bush may be hosing this country, he doesn't have a hydrant big enough to extinguish the flames he's fanned. And besides, why would you trust the arsonist to put out the fires? That's what I meant by 'global test'", then the debate will be worthless.