In Brief: Conservatives Need to Be Careful How They Condemn the Paris Shooting

Before you get all smug and superior about how you, a brave Christian conservative, would never be so savage as to want violence to be done to satirists, not like those fuckin' Moo-Slims who are just fuckin' animals who fuck animals or whatever the fuck you think, before you go down that road, you need to accept what exactly the French magazine Charlie Hebdo was publishing that so enraged a trio of gunmen that they shot and killed a dozen people at Charlie Hebdo's office in Paris today.

'Cause, see, this wasn't just Mohammed's face made into a bomb, like that Danish magazine published a few years ago. Oh, no, no, no. Charlie Hebdo went all out in degrading Islam, like South Park on meth. Ask yourself how you think some Christians would react if a newspaper that was available on the streets of major cities had a cartoon of Jesus Christ - you know him, right? - naked on all fours with his asshole facing the reader, his balls and dripping cock dangling. Or Jesus lying nude on the ground with a camera pointed at his butt while he says, "My ass? And you love it, my ass?" Because, see, that's how Charlie Hebdo portrayed Mohammed.

It's vicious, childish, and funny (in that "Well, they did like Jerry Lewis" sort of French way). But if you, fine imaginary Christian reader, are condemning Muslims for a violent reaction to the cartoons, then you are saying, in essence, that you are totally cool with the aforementioned images of Christ. And you are saying, "Go ahead, American cartoonists, draw Jesus's dong and Mary's leaky titties and poor Joseph jacking off in the corner. It's not a problem."

For the record, the Rude Pundit believes that freedom of expression and, indeed, freedom of the press trumps your right to live without being offended. Charlie Hebdo, Bill Maher, even Ann goddamn Coulter can say whatever the fuck they want. If you disagree, you can go fuck yourself with a torah until you splooge on a statue of Shiva and wipe it up with an American flag. Or maybe offer a counterargument where the point isn't made with a gun, unlike the three shooting dickheads in Paris who just made life a little harder for Muslims in the West.

Update: As several of you pointed out, Charlie Hebdo has depicted Jesus in crude ways and no one was killed. Still, for those who want to believe Muslim extremists are far less civilized, let us not forget all the vandalism over "Piss Christ."

The point here, though, was less about violence and more about the limits of one's support of free expression. 

(Note: The Rude Pundit is still recovering from shoulder surgery. Most of this is typed with one hand while in an oxy haze.)