The Difference Between a Weiner and a Dick:
Man, the Rude Pundit wants all Weiner dick all the time on the TV. He wants every news organization in the world to abandon everything else they're working on to discover whether or not Democratic Rep. Anthony Weiner of Queens, NY, sent a picture of his hard cock cloaked in heather boxer briefs to someone somewhere at some point. Why the fuck are we wasting our time on anything else? It's time to bring the full investigative weight of the fifth estate to bear on the Weiner story. 'Cause nothing - nothing - is more important at this point in our history than Anthony Weiner's dick pic.
The Rude Pundit wants reporters following Weiner all the time with crotch-level cameras, ready to record the shifts, rises, falls, swings, and swerves of the congressman's pecker. Then it's time to get motherfuckin' NASA involved. Get some satellites all up in this shit, some motherfuckin' 3-d imaging, some data-mapping, with multi-POV photos that can be combined into some graphic that experts in the field of some-such-shit can compare and announce definitively whether or not Weiner's dick in his pants is the same dick as the dick in the underwear. Get the body language experts to figure out which prick Weiner has when he walks. With certitude, motherfuckers, with certi-fuckin'-tude.
No, wait, get animators to create what those underwear would look like if the dick was flaccid, if different dicks were flaccid, growers, showers, cut, uncut, cloth-covered dick-impressions all around. Show what it would look like moving, leaking, like a child under a blanket. Where's the fuckin' Taiwanese? Are they on it yet?
'Cause we've got to get to the bottom of this. We've got to check the Photoshop layers, the digital information, the super-secret ways of Twitter-posting and yFrog-posting and who can hack what or steal what or what's public or what's where and who might have pressed the wrong button or the right button and, for fuck's sake, let's harass the shit out of that chick in Seattle because she looks so hot and willing to go down on Jewish cock.
C'mon, Andrew Breitbart. Where's James O'Keefe's rape boat now? Why not send out that supple little bitch out all cross-dressed to flirt with Weiner and try to get him all erect and bothered and then video that shit and then edit it so that it looks like Weiner gets a hard-on when he sees a tranny? Send all your idiot minions to make a story where none exists, create another distraction because that's fucking journalism. It has to be because it says so right there on your title, no? Because the only corrective to the mythical liberal media is to just manufacture scandals that discredit those who would give a shit about the poor and disenfranchised, like Shirley Sherrod, like ACORN, like Planned Parenthood, like teachers on a break from school, for fuck's sake. Aid and comfort, Andrew, aid and comfort. But, hey, you play the slavering mainstream media like a whore bragging about his awesome oral skills.
Yeah, nothing's more important than Anthony Weiner's penis, not corporate greed, not Republicans changing the rules of how Washington operates, not things that might actually affect the lives of people. Whatever Rep. Weiner might have done involving a photo of a cock, however much he's equivocating or even lying, at least he's not the dick in this situation.
(Update: Yes, the Taiwanese are on the job. Tip o' the hat to rude reader Brandon S.)