Regarding Tea Party Senate Candidates, the Best Explanations Are Always the Simplest:
At a debate yesterday, Delaware Republican and a woman who is you because you apparently have picnicked on a satanic altar, Christine O'Donnell, expressed shock at the idea that the separation of church and state was "in" the First Amendment to the Constitution. As her opponent, Chris Coons, pointed out, it's been pretty damn well-decided that the wall between religion and government derives from the establishment clause of the First Amendment. The kindest reading of O'Donnell's smug, self-satisfied, "gotcha" look is that she was asking about the exact phrase "separation of church and state," which is what her campaign said she meant. She was defended by Rush Limbaugh, who immediately popped a Viagra so he was ready to fuck his wife's ass as she wore the O'Donnell mask on the back of her head. And the right was knee-jerk defending the new cute chick.
The scramble was on in the mainstream media for a way to present O'Donnell's statements without saying the truth. Last night, on Anderson Cooper 360 (motto: "AC doesn't think his sexuality is any of your goddamn business"), Paul Begala and Jeffrey Toobin came preciously close, but still tiptoed around the obvious explanation: Christine O'Donnell is a fucking idiot, so fucking dumb that she has to remind herself to breathe. It's the 800 pound motherfucker just sitting there: she's too fucking stupid to be a Senator.
It ought to be okay to say that. It's actually important information for voters. Brian Williams ought to be able to declare, "By any objective measure, by any stretch of the imagination, Christine O'Donnell isn't qualified to be elected Cart Wrangler of the Month at Wal-Mart. Because she's just a fucking idiot." Now, there's a good chance people will still vote for her because, yeah, there are idiots who do see themselves in O'Donnell.
There's no mystery here. All the answers are plain to see when it comes to the array of bizarre and unqualified Republican candidates who are in the running for senator, which we used to consider an important position. Let the freaks and phonies huckster their way in the House, which is a Fellini film set of midgets, geeks, and contortionists.
For instance, Alaska's Joe Miller has a security detail of moonlighting active-duty military men who feel it's okay to harass and detain reporters at his rallies, he has a weird appreciation for the Berlin Wall, and he has a scuzzy beard that makes him look like an axe murderer or a man who eats moose pussy. Sure, his tyrannical tendencies and beliefs are important. But the truth of the matter is that Joe Miller is a fucking asshole. He's a paranoid fucking douchebag whose employers have fucking despised.
His "guards" are survivalist AK-47 fellaters who are begging for conflict. And you don't hang out with those people unless you're one of 'em. His former law firm boss said, "We at this firm were not eager to have him stay, and so when he announced he was leaving, we were relieved." Katie Couric should say, "By all accounts, from many people who have worked with him and from his own admissions, Joe Miller is a bushel of dicks and a gun fetishist who wants to wreck the Constitution."
So it could go. Sharron Angle? Fucking crazy. Rand Paul? Fucking psycho.
A real media would have eviscerated this collection of buffoons and bastards. The fact that we are talking about three of them as serious candidates means we are skidding toward the edge of a very steep cliff and that we are a very unserious electorate. The look on the face of Chris Coons in that debate with O'Donnell said it all. It was the look of a man who thought he had come for a debate to help voters decide who is going to be one of the most powerful people in the country. But when he showed up, it was a pie-eating contest.