9/02/2020

What Did That Dumb Orange Motherfucker Say Now? (Laura Ingraham Interview Edition)

Yeah, you've heard some of the appalling shit that Donald Trump squeezed out of his mouth hole while being interviewed by Lauren "Fuck You, Tucker, I'm the Craziest Motherfucker on This Bullshit Network" Ingraham on Fox "news." You heard him talk about how rich people from the "dark shadows" really control Joe Biden. You heard him say how anarchists in black clothes were flying to protests. You heard him compare a cop shooting an unarmed black man to a golfer choking on a putt. 

But did you hear his opinion of Black Lives Matter? No? He said that, upon hearing the phrase, "I said, 'That’s a terrible name. It’s so discriminatory.' It’s bad for black people." 

And what about this completely nutzoid batshittery: "Black Lives Matter came into existence, walking down the street, screaming, 'Pigs in a blanket, fry them like bacon.' And that was about police officers. That was representing police. They were pigs, pigs in a blanket, like the sausages or hot dogs, fry them like bacon." 

First off, no one affiliated with Black Lives Matter said that when it was chanted in Minnesota in 2015. Second, what the fuck with the free association of pork products? Trump brings up this 30-second chant from 5 years ago constantly to discredit the entire Black Lives Matter movement. It's almost as if he's someone who has said a ton of awful shit that should completely discredit him.

Trump wasn't done shitting on protesters who don't fly Trump flags. When Frau Ingraham reminded him that Oregon's governor said that "no one is safe in Trump's America," he responded, "That’s a violent person, frankly. That’s violent. They stick up for the violence. The people that are getting hurt, they don’t care about. They don’t care about these people. It’s a weird thing. It’s like warped minds." And he added, "If it weren’t Donald Trump’s America, to just use the expression as I’m president, you would have riots like you’ve never seen." You got that bullshit? Yeah, there are riots now, but if Joe Biden is elected or if Hillary Clinton had been elected, well, then there would have been real riots. In other words, he's claiming that he's keeping us safe because the violence isn't as bad as he thinks it would be. It would be like if someone shot you outside Jeffrey Dahmer's apartment and said, "Yeah, I know you're bleeding to death, but at least you're not gonna get skull-fucked by a cannibal."

This was followed by whatever the fuck this is regarding protesters: "It is an ideology for the people that are paying them. And the funny thing is, and the strange thing is, the people that are paying them and all this money, because somebody’s doing it. The people paying them, those people will be overthrown. Their lives will be taken away. Their lives will be endangered. They’re all going to be gone. They’re just stupid foolish people that made a lot of money." From what I can make out, apparently, someone (Soros, no doubt) is paying protesters who will then over throw that someone (Soros, no doubt) when the protesters win. That's some next-level conspiracy fuckery.

But there's more about this sinister "they": "If Biden gets in, they will have won. He’s a weak person. He’s controlled like a puppet. So it’s not going to be calm things down. It’s going to be, they will have won. They will have taken over your cities. It’s a revolution. You understand that, it’s a revolution. And the people of this country will not stand for that. They’re not going to stand for that." He's promising more violence. That's what he's doing. He's saying, with almost no obfuscation, that there will be a civil war if Biden is elected. Trump isn't the 45th president of the United States. He's the second president of the Confederacy.

This could obviously go on and on. A Trump interview is like a chocolate fountain filled with shit. You can just dip in and you'll get stained and stinky. 

Here's his view of the history of riots when Obama was president: "Look at all of what happened with Brown and this one and that one." Yes, that's Michael Brown who he's naming dismissively. He had just mentioned Ferguson.

Here he is on Biden's plans, using it as an occasion to rag on Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez in the most patronizing way: "He’s going to do things that are going to cost so much on the Green New Deal, which is done by a child. Okay? That’s the mind of a child."

Here he is completely inflating an accomplishment (funding for HBCUs) like it's the amount of his supposed fortune: "I saved the historically black colleges and universities."

Here he is saying Biden said something that Hillary Clinton said about criminals in the 1990: "He called them super predators." 

And, finally, there's this almost comical take on police officers and the violence they commit: "The vast, not only the vast majority, thousands and thousands of great acts, and one bad one, and you make the evening news for weeks." The vast majorities of members of just about every group go about their lives without doing horrible shit. That's why... you know what? Fuck it. That's falling into his web of fucking moronic nonsense masked as "thoughts."

I can't even laugh at this shit anymore. We are heading into dark, uncharted territory, motherfuckers. We are without a fucking map now. We just have to press ahead, hoping that whoever we're following doesn't lead us off a goddamn cliff. Or that we don't die before we get across these mountains in front of us.