Trump and the Ass-Eating Evangelicals

On Monday night, Donald Trump, who is still the goddamn president of the fucked United States for some reason, hosted a dinner with evangelical Christian leaders. You might know them better as "those bugfuck insane religious fakers who wouldn't know an actual Christian if one bit them on the nipple."

When Trump spoke with reporters in the room, it was the usual litany of lies and ignorance about supposed accomplishments he's achieved for the nutzoid evangelicals.

He said, "We have stopped the Johnson Amendment from interfering with your First Amendment rights," except the Johnson Amendment, which is supposed to prevent religious leaders and churches from endorsing candidates or campaigning against them, has rarely ever been enforced in the way it could be.

He said of the policy that prevents any federal funds for NGOs to be used for abortion, "Reinstated the Mexico City Policy we first put into place. And if you know, if you study it –- and most of you know about this –- first under President Ronald Reagan, not since then –- the Mexico City Policy." If you study it, or, indeed, read a single goddamn thing about it, you'd know that it was in place under Reagan and Bush 41, rescinded by Clinton, reinstated by Bush 43, and rescinded by Obama. So, sorry, Donald, you're not God's most special angel since the Gipper.

He recited part of the John Adams quote that's carved into the fireplace of the State Dining Room in the White House: "I pray Heaven to bestow the best of Blessings on this House." He left out two other sections which refer to future occupants of the joint, including "May none but honest and wise Men ever rule under this roof." That's such an obvious tell that it's almost comical.

Then, when the reporters were led out of the room, Trump continued with another kind of rant, one that is more in the apocalyptic mode that the nutzoid evangelicals love to threaten their bleating congregations with. Trump talked about the upcoming midterms and warned that, if Democrats win, "they will overturn everything that we've done and they'll do it quickly and violently, and violently. There's violence. When you look at Antifa and you look at some of these groups — these are violent people." Even some idiot right-wing bloggers were confused by the idea that Democrats would need violence if they won. Mostly, Trump probably means that black people might get elected.

And, bizarrely, he just went on even more of a lying tear, claiming that "Now one of the things I'm most proud of is getting rid of the Johnson Amendment," which he simply didn't do. And also he once again said that Trump Tower has 68 floors when the documents for the fucking ugly thing say it's only 58, which is still a damn tall building.

Finally, as is the tradition at all Trump events, the president dropped his pants and said, "Now it's my favorite part." Then, one by one, the men and women who tell their followers that adultery and sex outside of marriage are affronts to God, that lying and cheating are terrible sins, that baby Jesus cries blood tears over abortion, and that giving money to the church is one sure way to get your foot in the pearly gates, walked up to Trump, a lying adulterer who has paid for abortions and given virtually nothing in charity, and kissed him right on his droopy ass cheeks.

"Get your face in there good," Trump smirked as Franklin Graham went nose deep between his buttocks, as James and Shirley Dobson each leaked a side, as Ralph Reed and Tony Perkins fairly competed for who could get their tongue further up. When Trump sharted as Jerry Falwell, Jr, was nuzzling the president's posterior, you could hear the sighs of disappointment from the rest of the group that they had not been anointed by his shit spray.

As they caressed and moistened his ass, Trump reached under his stomach with two fingers and started to jack off. The muffled praise of the kissers only worked to get him to the quarter erection that's all he can manage with his blood pressure. When Paula White said, "History will record the greatness that you have brought for generations" while her mouth was filled with Trump tush, or when another grabbed a handful of ass and announced, "We have a warrior at the helm who is willing to stand up and fight," Trump moaned in tepid orgasm.

Then he pulled up his pants, sat at the dais, and fell asleep as the righteous applauded his stamina.