Donald Trump: The Boy Who Always Needs a Trophy

It's an article of faith among grumpy dicks of all political stripes: Kids today, man, those little fuckers don't understand how the real world works with their participation medals and constant praise and "everyone's a winner" bullshit. But the neediest little shit of them all is the goddamned President of the United States, Donald Trump. He hosts his Nuremberg rallies for rubes and yahoos where the ostensible purpose is to campaign for some pathetic ass-kisser running for Congress or governor, but the true purpose is to allow our bloated baby leader a chance to glorify in cheers and chants for him and boos and curses for his enemies (which would be anyone who isn't cheering and chanting for him).

Trump is peak narcissist, a man so self-involved and insecure that he must constantly be told how wonderful and beneficent he is and how blessed is a nation that has him as a leader.

The rallies aren't even the worst examples of his unrelenting need for praise. At least once a week, he gathers a group of people for some kind of roundtable on some fucking worthless subject and then he commands a circle jerk with him at the center. Whenever he says something like "Let's go around and hear from everyone," that's the cue for the men to pull out their dicks and start jacking it and the women to lift their skirts so they can start the fingering, and it goes until they all ejaculate, covering Trump in spunk and pussy juices as he shouts for more, more, more.

This week, it was a meeting of (as the White House put it) "inner-city pastors." And those pastors know that if they hitch their wagons to the conservative machine, they will be rolling in speaker fees and book deals. So around the circle jerk it went, from pastor to faith leader to pastor. A little sample of the praise porn after Trump said, "Maybe we can go around the room":

Dr. Alveda King: "You’ve done so many things that were great" like "opening up the steel mills."

Reverend Wilfredo De Jesus: "First of all, let me just say thank you for your boldness. Thank you for taking a stand for those that are disenfranchised."

Dr. Van Moody: "Thank you for being compassionate and caring about all people."

Pastor Darrell Scott: "People ask me why do I defend him so vociferously. And I say it’s easy for me to do it because I know him, and he’s shown me his heart, and I know he has a heart for all Americans...this is probably going to be the — and I’m going to say this at this table — the most pro-black President that we’ve had in our lifetime."

Did you throw up a little? A lot? I didn't even get into the slavering, drooling obsequiousness of Ja'Ron Smith, a White House staffer who really said, "Today is a watershed moment — this opportunity to learn about a community that has felt left behind for years," as if no one had ever heard of the inner city church before.

Every goddamn week this happens. Sometimes it's a cabinet meeting, where Trump sits with his arms crossed while one official after another abases him- or herself before his stern, orange jowls and turkey neck. Last week, there was a "Workforce Development Roundtable" in Iowa where various politicians and business leaders masturbated furiously to please their master.

One of the reasons Trump rails against the media is because, except for Fox "news," his fantasy accomplishments aren't met with grateful kowtowing to him. For instance, Trump will say that the news media "won't tell you" something like that U.S. Steel is opening six (or seven or eight, depending on the day) new steel mills. That's because U.S. Steel is not opening up any new steel mills. It's not enough that CNN won't report real shit that Trump thinks it's good; it's that CNN won't report his lies as facts.

Every single person that showed up this week in Tampa or Wilkes-Barre to cheer on Trump and scream at the media is just an overbearing parent at his son's soccer game, demanding that their child is always the best, even when, quite plainly, he can't even kick a ball.