The Rude Pundit's Most Splendiferous Haiku Review of 2013 (Part 2):
Somehow, the Rude Pundit found himself in a skeevier-than-usual Waffle House at 1:30 this morning, scattered, smothered, covered, and chunked, which, ironically, are also anal sex positions for the morbidly obese of Louisiana. We had just left a bar in a rickety old house downtown where a masked gypsy-funk band was still fiddling its mad greeting to 2014 into the wee, wee hours. In the booth at the Waffle House, we agreed that the only way we'd ever watch the film Love, Actually again is if Andrew Lincoln showed up as Rick Grimes and just started shooting the fuck out of everyone, thinking they were zombies. In a not terribly rational evening, it was the most rational thought.
But before we move ahead, let's look back one more time in haiku on the desiccated corpse of 2013.
From reader Matt:
DOMA goes bye-bye.
Edie Windsor leads the way.
Fuck you, Scalia.
From Jesse Berney:
Obamacare was
Obama's Katrina - well,
It was one of them.
From Gena in Tampa, FL:
Move to Florida
Governor Voldemort says
Schools? Vote? Health? Jobs? Nah..
From Selvaswami in North Carolina:
Two tours of Iraq
Back here broke and broken down
Can't unfuck what's left
From Nancy G. in Olympia, WA:
How to shame a slut:
Force her to give birth or else
Rape her with a wand.
From Mona P.:
Do Nothing Congress
Like the three toed sloth
Habitat for parasites
Our current congress
From Stephen B. in California:
syria iran
bring rage howls from the right we
denied them new war
From Deb in New Jersey:
Bitch Moan Bitch Moan Bitch
Conservative blowhards, Go
suck a bag of dicks.
Rude readers are awesome and sent in a shit-ton more. Perhaps a few bonus haiku later before regular-scheduled bloggery tomorrow.
