Family Research Council: Pray for the Death of the Affordable Care Act

Family Research Council: Pray for the Death of the Affordable Care Act:
Oh, shit, Obamacare lovers. You're fucked beyond fucked now because you've got a powerful enemy. According to the evangelical Christian Family Research Council (motto: "Remember: It's okay for laws to be based on religion as long as it's ours"), God hisself is agin' it, which must mean God, Jr. (or, you know, Jesus) ain't too happy about providing health care for the needy, which you might think is completely the opposite of what the "Bible" says, but that's because you're reading it with your thinking brain and your beating heart and not with your ass, heathen bitches.

How does the Rude Pundit know what the Lord wants? Well, that's because for the better part of the last ten years, he's been a member of the FRC's Super-Duper Prayer Team, a Justice League for people who look terrible in tights and who fight crimes not by confronting them directly but by asking an Invisible Sky Wizard to beat up the bullies for them. Every week, the Rude Pundit receives, through the magic of the email, his autoerotic prayphyxiation orders, listing things for which he needs to get on his knees and work that holy crank until Jesus blows his holy load all over the nation, nay, the world. Usually it has to do with the gays and the abortions, but this week, oh, praise him, we have been called to pray away the Obamacare.

Why is making health insurance affordable for millions of people, along with allowing people under 26 to stay on their parents' insurance and not discriminating because of pre-existing conditions, against God's will? Well, "Progressive activists have long taught socialized medicine is the first major step toward their goal to transform America into a socialist state." Oh, and "Add to all this abortion and the violation of religious conscience!" Yeah, 'cause obviously giving help to the helpless and comfort to the poor are clear violations of every religious belief of the Family Research Council.

Besides, the FRC's got facts that would be correct if they weren't totally wrong. For instance, "The IRS suggests that the average annual cost for a family of five in 2016 will be $20,000." That's expensive and shit-yourself scary-sounding, even if it's a total lie. Lies aren't evil if they're spoken to do God's will, motherfuckers, like all those fake family planning "clinics."

So we gots to, gots to, gots to pray: "Help Lord! Give the American people the knowledge, inspiration and determination to urge the demise of Obamacare." God's gotta inspire people to use their smart phones for more than sinfully crushing helpless candy: "May Americans make the Senate phone lines ring off-the-hook from now until Obamacare is defunded. Please change the hearts and minds of those who are intimidated, afraid to take a stand for what is right or who are simply deceived. May they fear God and not man!"

In case you don't take the FRC's word for it, Bible verses are helpfully provided to back up your prayers. Like Hosea 4:6, where God puts down some whoop-ass: "My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge." Fuck, yeah, atheist bitches. Get some knowledge. What's the rest? "Because thou hast rejected knowledge, I will also reject thee, that thou shalt be no priest to me: seeing thou hast forgotten the law of thy God, I will also forget thy children."

Whoa, wait, that last part there seems to say that the religious leaders are the ones leading the people astray. What's it say further down, at 4:8? "They eat up the sin of my people, and they set their heart on their iniquity." This member of the SDPT is confused. He doesn't want to listen to these sin-eating frauds. He doesn't want his heart set on iniquity. He's not even sure what that means. Whatever can he pray for?

In his timewaster of a speech yesterday (and, shit, Tuesday), blithering cockknob Ted Cruz offered, "We have talk radio. God bless talk radio."

Oh, right.