Obama on Fox "News"(or Python Eats Kangaroo):

Yes, holy shit, that is a photo of a python engorging an entire kangaroo. And it more or less represents what happened when President Obama sat down for an interview with whiny-voiced Bret "Lump o' Flesh Face" Baier of Fox "news," which is owned by noted Aussie-born tyrant Rupert Murdoch.

First off, let's just say that Baier interviewed a president like a president ought to be interviewed, with the news person as an aggressive antagonist and questioner, not taking what the president says at face value. Truly, honestly, Baier was at least in the ballpark of how, say, BBC journalists talk to their leaders. And however irritating Baier's interruptions were, Obama recognized, at the end, that this was the way it's supposed to go. "That's OK. That's your job," Obama told him after Baier apologized for doing so.

Of course, any time a reporter from anywhere dared to question George W. Bush with the same persistence that Baier used with Obama, it was an outrage, like a midget had punched Bush in the nuts. Remember when Irish reporter Carol Coleman took apart Bush and the White House actually lodged a formal complaint with the Irish Embassy? Now, of course, it's totally okay to confront the president repeatedly, and the right will gleefully cheer it on, as if yelping, "Yeah, make him your bitch, Ailes."

However, Baier's agenda was to get Barack Obama to talk about the "deem and pass" rule, not health care reform. The problem for Baier was that Obama didn't give a shit about how the bill is voted on, just that it's voted on. It wasn't that Obama wouldn't answer the question. He did. He just didn't give Baier the answers he wanted. As Baier tried to make health care legislation about how the rules of Congress are used, Obama offered, "Bret, I've got to say to you there are a lot more people who are concerned about the fact that they may be losing their house or going bankrupt because of health care." Whatever hard-on Baier might have had was smacked into flaccidness.

It literally got to the point where Baier was just incoherently tossing out teabagger talking points. It was like Baier had a stroke as Roger Ailes screamed in his ear to attack harder. "Deem and pass Senate reconciliation and we don't know exactly what's in the fix bill," he sputtered out. A moment later, all Baier could manage to say was "This is one-sixth of the U.S. economy, sir. One-sixth." By the end, one wouldn't have been surprised if Baier had been curled up on the floor, shitting himself, bleeding out of his eyes, babbling and weeping, "Nebraska compromise...deem and pass...Medicare cuts...please make the hurting stop...Please don't let him swallow me whole...kill me first..."

Essentially, Baier, in doing the bidding of his tubby master, only wanted to talk around the bill. There was very little about what is actually in the bill. That was limited to trying to get Obama to decry every specific deal made for individual states. And while Obama did say that the Nebraska deal was idiotic, he didn't back down on all of them, like the funds for places hit by natural disasters, like Louisiana. This made Baier start shorting out, with Obama staring at his fizzing brain. Baier started just tossing out states, like Florida and "Connecticut, Montana? I mean, there are a lot of deals in here, Mr. President, that people have issues about."

There was a sad air of desperation to Baier's approach, like he had been told in the Fox locker room that he'd be able to fuck Obama's face when he got the president alone in a room, but it turned out that not only would his cock find no mouth to plunge into, he'd get his balls twisted in the process. And then he'd get his bare ass spanked.

But, as Obama essentially said at the end, you can't blame a jerk-off for trying. The interview ended with Baier sadly shuffling down a hall in the White House, pants around his ankles, on his way to the exit.