Palin Not Fade Away:
There's only one way that Sarah Palin's resignation as governor of Alaska might have provoked any sympathy whatsoever: if she had just admitted she was in over her head. If Palin had gotten up in front of Miked Duck Lake or wherever the fuck she was, and said, "Okay, look, ya got me. I was an overly ambitious dink who actually tricked people into taking me seriously as a political leader. Who'd've thought it would have worked so well? It was fun last year, talkin' to all those crowds who thought that 'folksy' was a substitute for 'competent,' but lemme tell you, Alaska, America, it ain't. And now that I've realized it, I've decided the best thing I could do is to get out before I do any more damage." It's basically a variation on the "Shit George W. Bush Should Have Said in 2002" speech. And it's pretty much what she actually said, but she didn't have the guts to say it, spinning it instead as bad ol' government and mean ol' media people chasin' her away from what she loves.

Hell, even if she had said, "Governoring is boring and I'm sick of people buggin' me for stuff. I'm headin' to L.A. to make shitloads of money, fuckers," it would have been more honest.

At this point, though, Michael Jackson's funeral has more dignity.

What's most depressingly predictable is the number of defenders she has among people not on her payroll. There's insanity abounding when you read or hear anyone contort themselves in order to justify all the time and effort they've put into attempting to make us believe that Sarah Palin is anything more than that fun one-night stand they keep texting over and over to see again. All of them just keep saying stupid shit that only the desperate speak. And none of it deserves any more of a response than a silent stare, wondering if the speaker is going to hurt themselves or others.

William Kristol, who, it should always be noted, was Alan Keyes' campaign manager, writes, "Why is it more admirable to run for national office while a sitting governor (or senator), spending a fair amount of time out of your state (or away from Congress), necessarily neglecting or delegating some of your duties -- than to turn the office over to your constitutional successor so your constituents have someone working full time on their behalf?" Reading Kristol's pathetic whine of a column is like taking pleasure in watching a man eat a shit sandwich and pretending it's fine ham.

In the Washington Times, Tony Blankley, a man who looks like he just ate a whole meatball sub, writes, "And though many a conventional politician might be seen as a quitter if he resigned from office -- I have a very strong hunch Mrs. Palin is constitutionally incapable of being seen as a quitter. Because she is not. She is constantly taking on the biggest challenge on her horizon." You got that logic? If anyone else quit, they'd be a quitter. But if Palin quits, she's not. Thus Tony Blankley finally achieved his goal of licking his own asshole.

Over on MSNBC's Morning Starbucks, Mika Brzezinski, who always looks like she's just aching for a spanking, said yesterday that if Palin were a man, we wouldn't be judging her so harshly for resigning. She's wrong on that account, but she's right that we'd treat a man differently. We'd call him a "pussy." (Bonus points: Brzezinski declared that she's not a feminist.)

Even if Eugene Robinson is right that we should blame John McCain for inflicting Palin on the nation like a diseased dude who doesn't tell his lover that he's got the herp, the real responsibility rests squarely with the people of Alaska who, like people all over the nation, elected the person who soothed their greed nerve best. Selfish people will, ultimately, behave selfishly. And the morons among us will reveal their true intelligence.

Standing in hip boots in some other damn body of water, Palin was interviewed by various and sundry networks, and she declared, "I am not a quitter; I am a fighter." Goddamn, there's two more words she doesn't know the definition of.