How Many Motherfuckers Does It Take to Screw a Light Bulb Into a Detainee's Rectum? (Part 1: Michael Mukasey):
Our bespectacled dwarf of justice, Michael Mukasey, was lubriciously tongue-bathed during his time at the American Enterprise Institute even as he was saying, in essence,"You know that Constitution you think's so cool, America? Yeah, I want Congress to help me roll it up and shove it into your dry koochie." The Attorney General spent his speech yesterday reacting to the Supreme Court's Boumediene decision saying that Gitmo detainees had the right to challenge their detention.

In describing the post-9/11 world, Mukasey may as well have had Dick Cheney's hand up his ass, with Cheney in his role as Smirko, the Amazing Puppetmaster, as the AG said, "We are confronted not with a hostile foreign state whose fighters wear uniforms and abide by the laws of war themselves, but rather with a dispersed group of non-state terrorists who wear no uniforms and abide by neither laws nor the norms of civilization. And although wars traditionally have come to an end that is easy to identify, no one can predict when this one will end or even how we’ll know it’s over."

Now, one's first reaction to the description of what has been hyped to us as the "most dangerousest enemy America has every faced in the history of forever - no, seriously, they'll fuck your cat and behead your sister while forcing you to convert, really" as, in essence, a bunch of fuckwads wandering around aimlessly hoping to blow shit up, ought to be, "You gotta be fuckin' kidding." Not the Bush administration and the right of this nation. They keep spare underwear in their pockets for how often they shit themselves in blind fear every day.

The list of shit Mukasey wants Congress to pass to overcome Boumediene is simple and hilarious, much of it based on the same old fearmongering that has turned this into a nation that actually discusses whether or not drowning someone without killing them is torture, with the added bonus fright that, booga-booga-booga, former detainees might be released into the United States. One of Mukasey's items is this charmer: "Any legislation should acknowledge again and explicitly that this Nation remains engaged in an armed conflict with al Qaeda, the Taliban, and associated organizations, who have already proclaimed themselves at war with us and who are dedicated to the slaughter of Americans—soldiers and civilians alike. In order for us to prevail in that conflict, Congress should reaffirm that for the duration of the conflict the United States may detain as enemy combatants those who have engaged in hostilities or purposefully supported al Qaeda, the Taliban, and associated organizations."

And this is why this goddamn administration is not just incompetent, but actively, awfully, evil: in one speech, the Attorney General of the United States said that there's no way to tell when or how a "war" will be over (which means there's no goals), but that the Congress and courts should allow "enemy combatants" to be detained "for the duration of the conflict." Which, as just mentioned, has no definable end. In other words, seven years for some so far, motherfuckers. Howzabout a couple decades more?

No wonder they're so scared of any Gitmo detainees being released into the United States. If you had been a goat herder who pissed off the local warlord who got paid to turn you over to the Marines and spent years having your nuts stomped while listening to the Barney theme song over and over and then got set free without so much as a "Sorry, our bad," you might think that Allah's sending you a mighty strong message about how to treat infidels.

Mukasey doesn't see it that way. In one of the most trite and existence-justifying bullshit things this froggy-looking cocksucker has uttered, Mukasey said, "[O]f the 775 people who have been detained at Guantanamo, only about one-third remain. The fact that we have not charged all of those remaining at Guantanamo with crimes should not be regarded as a fair criticism of our detention policies; rather, it reflects the fundamental reality that these individuals were captured in an armed conflict, not in a police raid." One might think that the fact that our government can't figure out within a few years if 225 people committed crimes is actually explicit proof of the failure of the detention policy. But there are asses to be covered and a public to keep frightened.

Hopefully, Congress will just tell Mukasey to go fuck himself with his own legislation. Just like the judge in the Hamdan case told the prosecution, there ought to be at least one or two lines that can't be crossed.