In Brief: Why Bill O'Reilly Ought to Be Sodomized with a Stripper Pole, Part 739:
Whenever a story comes over the wires that involves strippers, whores, or sex tapes, you can bet that Bill O'Reilly comes all over his desk. The Fox "news" host is a stripper's best friend, always lookin' out for the folks, especially if the "folks" are g-string wearin' dancers who'll rub their cooz and titties in your face for the mere price of a single dollar.

Lately, O'Reilly's been running a segment called "Is It Legal?" wherein he invites a pair of quite spank-worthy blonde lawyers on to hash out how "legal" various sex acts and sexual actions might be and mostly just creating an intense "will they or won't they go lesbo" vibe. In recent weeks, O'Reilly spent time with the blondes talking about such important subjects as a blow job video featuring one of the Sex and the City women and, oh, joy, Eliot Spitzer's hooker. It's a fine advance for women on Fox: hot chicks with degrees talking about chicks taking off their clothes and/or fucking. That's the kind of cognitive dissonance you can masturbate to.

Last night, O'Reilly got to put on the outrage voice and run the b-roll of strip clubs by talking about a strip joint in Dallas that let a 12-year old runaway girl ride the pole. The story itself aside, O'Reilly spoke over the same file footage of strippers he always runs, with women writhing on stage, spreading their legs, and pressing themselves into various people and areas of the stage. All as a way of ensuring that we picture the 12-year old doing the same thing so that we can be...what? Angry? Intrigued? Aroused?

Yes, if Bill O'Reilly is our moral compass, then it's pointing to his semi-erect cock, a dowsing rod for ratings as he searches for journalistic pussy to fuck.