Why Bill O'Reilly Needs To Be Sodomized With a Microphone, Part 907 of a Continuing Series:
When one watches Bill O'Reilly, Fox "news" host and depraved, ranting saint of spittle, one understands part of the unmitigated dementia of the man is his ability to state the most monkeyfuck insane ideas as if they are the most rational things any human ever thought of. O'Reilly, in his "Talking Points Memo" at the top of every show, looks straight at his audience and states, simply, directly, the crazed delusions of the psychotic. He could say, "Eating members of the ACLU, that's the topic of tonight's Talking Points Memo. You know, the ACLU hates America so it is every real American's patriotic duty to find out who their local terrorist-supporting ACLU members are, round them up, string them upside down, slit open their body cavities, letting the steaming guts spill onto the pavement, and barbecue their meat for the neighborhood. The great thing about these granola-eaters is that they're probably organic and good for you. In fact, many of them are probably kosher. And if you have to, well, you might just have to tackle them, rip their hearts out, and eat the still beating organs in front of the quickly dying wacko-liberal. And that's tonight's Memo. Now, here for me to fling shit at and then eat is ACLU member Jewey Pinheadstein."

And his fuckin' audience'll gobble it up, thinkin', "Goddamn, that's a sane man talkin' sense." Then the sweet smell of grilled liberals will be wafting through the lawns of suburbia.

So, on Tuesday, when O'Reilly bloviated in support of President Bush's belief that "intelligent design" ought to be taught in public school classrooms alongside evolution, calling the National Academy of Sciences' belief that science ought to be taught in science classrooms "fascism," he sounded like one of Chairman Mao's spokesmen announcing the placement of dunce caps on intellectuals back in the good ol' days of the Cultural Revolution.

One imagines O'Reilly, a man to whom "irony" is what Reagan burbled in his last lucid moments, didn't see the contradiction in the fact that, later in the same show, he called for the mass execution of every detainee at Guantanamo without trial, without any evidence against them. Spewed O'Reilly, "I don't give the Bill of Rights protection or the Constitution protection or the Geneva Convention to people not in uniform slaughtering...civilians. I don't give them any protection. I don't feel sorry for them. In fact I probably would have ordered their execution if I had the power."

Earlier in his interview with author Pierce O'Donnell, O'Reilly had said that he wasn't including the Taliban in his denial of rights: "There are very few Taliban over there. They let the Afghans handle them. And you know how they handled them; they shot them in the head. So I don't know if that's the -- they would be better off in Gitmo than shot in the head." So, in other words, O'Reilly is saying that he would like Afghan "justice" for the detainees. Such a rational man, Bill is.

Ahh, fascism. Such a fun word. Would that Mussolini had only wanted to teach children science.