Justice Sunday II - Because So Many Plot Threads Were Left Dangling:
Goddamn, Justice Sunday II is comin' this weekend. On Sunday, in fact, just to demonstrate truth in advertising. And it'll be a big, sweaty helpin' o' Jesus lovin' and policy makin' and liberal mockin' and monkey fuck crazy rantin' from the likes of the insane former Watergate convict and popular bottom at the prison bunk room, Chuck Colson. The mad head of the National Association of Evangelicals (motto: "Move Outtatheway, Jewberg and Allahsalaam, We're Convertin' Here") Ted Haggard'll be tryin' to keep his Catholic hatin' Tourette's in check. Yep, all the bugfuck nutzoids'll be puttin' on the ol' hat o' rationality, like when yer psychotic aunt shows up at yer daughter's wedding, having been warned ahead of time to keep her tits out of the punch bowl and don't start shittin' on the bandstand. Sure, she'll keep it twitchily together, but, damn, she'll think, how her tits need a dunkin'.

There's gonna be entertainment, too, including demi-babe for Christ (although she's proudly abstinent, boys and girls) Rebecca St. James. 'Becca's full of God's love - in fact, God is like her Neptunes in the studio. Says 'Becca of her new album, "I'm very excited about what God is doing on this project," possibly meanin' that God's layerin' in the phat beats on her songs, like "Let My Words Be Few," with the creepy, co-dependent lyrics "You are God in Heaven/ And here I am on earth/ So I'll let my words be few/ Jesus, I am so in love with You," which sound more like an abused teenage girl datin' the cap'n of the football team than, you know, a prayer.

Then it's back to the bug-fuckery, with everyone's favorite Jed-Clampett-on-meth, Zell Miller, and the Catholic League's Bill Donohue, who said that Bill Frist, who spoke by tape at Justice Sunday I, is "worse than Kerry" for the Majority Leader's support of funding stem cell research. And, of course, Tom DeLay will ooze out to talk to the crowd at the Two Rivers Baptist Church in Nashville, praying for all he's worth that Jack Abramoff doesn't cut a deal.

Yep, Justice Sunday II'll show America what it means to be "Christian" in a way that'd make Christ say, "For this I awoke after three days? Anyone got any Bactine?"