Would Someone Tell Fox "News" That President Bush Doesn't Have a Social Security Plan Yet?:
Don't you fuckin' tell the motherfuckin' President he's got a plan on Social Security, you fuckin' bitch ass reporters. You fuckin' got that? He will come down from his lectern, rip off his belt, yank down yer panties, and smack that liberal media ass until it's good and red and welted. The President's got no fuckin' plan, understand? Bush said so himself, when he was asked at his "press conference" yesterday about such "plans": "First of all, Dave, let me, if I might correct you, be so bold as to correct you, I have not laid out a plan yet, intentionally."

So would someone please tell the leftist hacks at Fox "News" and their Commie guests to stop referring to Bush's vague notions of diverting funds from Social Security to "personal accounts" while cutting benefits for retirees somewhere down the road a "plan." Jesus fuckin' Christ, that's like calling it "privatization," you know? It's a plan when the President says its a goddamn plan.

When, on March 8, Republican Chuck Hagel, talking to John Gibson, said of his own "plan" on Social Security, "This is not a competition between the President's plan and mine," Gibson, instead of pursuing a line of questioning about how Hagel's plan differs from Bush's, should have said something like, "Yes, that is a plan, unlike what the President has said, which is . . . what? . . . . a notion? A rest stop? A tadpole?" But that would require Gibson to be a journalist, and that is not his job, is it?

Or maybe, on March 9, Brit "My Head Is So Far Up My Enormous Ass That I Can See the Space Where My Heart Used To Be" Hume shouldn't have talked about a poll that says of the respondents "very few knew any details of the president's plan." And maybe on March 10, Sean "Behold My Majestically Hateful Scowl" Hannity should have avoided repeatedly dissing "Republicans [who are] apparently now seeming a little bit reluctant to support the president's plan over Social Security."

Perhaps yesterday Neil "Fuck It, He's Just an Asshole" Cavuto should have jumped up and said, "Ah-ha" to bondage master Karl Rove when Rove responded to Cavuto's query on "the Bush plan" on Social Security. Instead, Rove just yanked Cavuto's leash and slammed that four-eyed fucker's face into his lap to finish the job Cavuto started. Meanwhile, Dan "My Forehead's So Big, It's an Eighthead" Bartlett also responded to questions earlier in the week about a so-called "plan."

This could go on and on, couldn't it? The deluded cant of the damned on Fox. Morton Kondracke, March 15: "The more people learn about the Bush plan or the more they hear about the Bush plan, the more they are opposed to it." Chris Wallace, March 6: "President Bush's plan for his Social Security reform hits a rough patch."

Fox "News" must loathe the President to not carry his water on this one. Bush could not be more explicit, as he was in his "roundtable" with regional reporters in the Oval Office this week, when he said, "People say 'Bush's plan'-I haven't laid out a plan. I've laid out some ideas that I think ought to be considered for a plan, and that's what's important for people to know."

So the whole scripted tour around the nation to sell people on private accounts? That vast waste of taxpayer money that might have been better spent on diapers for Alan Greenspan? Or deodorant to rid the Congress of the stench of the decaying Tom DeLay? It wasn't to talk about a "plan," got it? There is no plan.

Of course, there's "plans," but not a plan. See, on Saturday, in his weekly radio masturbation session, Bush started out by saying, "Over the last few weeks, I have traveled across our nation and met with tens of thousands of you to discuss my plans for strengthening Social Security." Then he laid out what seemed to be, pretty clearly, a, well, fuck, plan. And now he's spent the last few days denying that there's a plan.

The Rude Pundit is confused. In Louisiana last week, Bush said, "I'm interested in any idea, and I put out some of my own as to how to permanently fix it and how to make sure the system is as good as it can be for youngsters . . . If you're a worker making $35,000 over your lifetime, and this plan says you can take 4 percent of your payroll taxes and set it aside . . . under this plan, you'll have an asset base, something you own, something you can leave to whomever you choose."

Can you say that and then a couple of days later say, "I haven't laid out a plan"? Can you do that? This is a cognitive nightmare, a linguistic conundrum, a mindfuck of the greatest proportions. His "plan" and his "plans" aren't a "plan"? Did he consult a lawyer on the weasel room around a definition of "plan" that somehow doesn't include a "plan" in it?

No, no, no. We all know what's going on. It's part and parcel of the bullshit rhetoric of the Oval Office. But we're way beyond plausible deniability here. We're into the language of the world beyond the Looking Glass, where all things shall be inverted and all meaning shall be made anew when the Queen of Hearts is damn well ready to deign to define.