"Human Rights" According To Bush:
Here's one of those things that you read that makes you wanna live in a basement and scrawl manifestos on the walls with your own shit: the U.S. has criticized China and Pakistan on their human rights records in the State Department's annual report to Congress on those rights.

Secretary of State Condoleeza "I Vill Schtomp You Vitz My Hot Geschtapo Boots And You Vill Luv It" Rice was able to stand up in front of the gathered "reporters" and say, "We are on the right side of freedom's divide and we have an obligation to help those who are unlucky enough to have been born on the wrong side of that divide. America's experience as a democracy affirms our conviction that all people can live and prosper in peace. Even in our darkest moments here in the United States, we have been guided by our commitment to freedom and self-government. We have reached this simple conclusion: The survival of liberty in our land is dependent on the growth of liberty in other lands." That she wasn't immediately ripped into tiny, bite-sized pieces by screeching hell harpies, eaten, vomited up, and eaten again is mighty proof against the existence of God.

Condi continued the Bush administration line that some phantom people somewhere think that democracy for brownish people is bullshit: "Some have questioned whether certain countries or societies are ready for freedom or ready to take responsibility in determining their own futures, as if freedom and human rights were prizes to be won." It's like watching straitjacketed nutballs in a rubber room, bouncing around and crying out about the "some" who attack them, and, you know, you can't tell a bellowing nutjob that you don't see the "some." All that matters is the nutjob sees 'em and so do the other nuts.

And what a fine cover to the report, what with its photos of ink-stained Iraqi women and the horrid visage of Viktor Yushchenko scaring a dove. The title says it all: Supporting Human Rights and Democracy. And how are we supporting human rights? Oh, the myriad ways.

Why, in Pakistan, the report says, "The judiciary is corrupt, inefficient, and malleable to political pressure. Politically motivated prosecutions of opposition figures continue, as do concerns that opposition leaders or their parties are not always allowed to function freely. Leaders of three major parties remained outside the country, and the leader of one opposition party in parliament remained in prison appealing a conviction for sedition . . . Security forces have committed numerous human rights abuses, including extra-judicial killings and torture." So what should the United States, a nation that "seeks to end tyranny" do? Sell 'em some planes, motherfucker. A bunch of big fuckin' F-16s, man. What? Did you think we'd sanction the nuke-selling torturers of Pakistan? They say they're gonna use the planes to target terrorists, not Kashmir. India? Not so sure.

According to Acting Assistant Secretary of Democracy, Human Rights, and Labor Michael Kozak, there's no hypocrisy in saying the government of a nation tortures its citizens and imprisons its political opposition and then sellin' it fighter jets: "I think it's a question of how, you know, sometimes it's the carrot and sometimes it's the stick with linkages. And sometimes you can say that by being more engaged and helping a government in trying to accomplish some of its aims, that you find it to be more responsive in opening things up."

Kozak also says, "Sometimes, it's hard for somebody who doesn't -- somebody who's in power who doesn't think in those terms to understand just how much human rights and democracy means to the United States and to other parts of the world." 'Cause, you see, in Iraq, the report only mentions difficulties with human rights involving the "Interim Government" and even then it puts the blame on the "insurgents": "With the ongoing insurgency limiting access to information, a number of alleged abuses have been difficult to verify, including reports of arbitrary deprivation of life, torture, impunity, poor prison conditions, and arbitrary arrest and detention. In addition, the judicial system was largely dysfunctional, and corruption remained a key problem. However, unlike in the previous regime, none of these abuses were systemic or government-directed, and the Government took important steps to address human rights concerns. While human rights violations remained a serious issue for the Iraqi Government to resolve, there continued to be greater focus on bringing former regime elements to justice than on addressing abuses by the current Government."

Yep, it's too bad the only human rights violations occurred involving those fuckin' Iraqis. See, according to Kozak, with no intended irony at all, the Iraqis had a "policy" of abusing people that's hard to overcome now. But John Negroponte assured Kozak that it involved only Iraqi prison guards and police. Man, it's a good thing that only Iraqis are involved in the imprisoning of Iraqis, no?

Strangely absent from the report is Israel, although the Palestinians are discussed. And the Cuba section leaves off Guantanamo - isn't the Bush administration arguing against rights for the detainees there because they're not on American soil?

The Preface says it all - we're right and you're wrong: "We pursue this policy both because it is right and because it addresses the fear, hatred and inequality that contribute to injustice, terrorism, violence and instability." The whole Preface is chilling in its clear enunciation of American might and fuck-with-us-and-you'll-die bravado, as if trying to prove Bush is tough, tough boy. And just to show that Bush's second inaugural address wasn't total bullshit, "Our fight for human rights will continue so long as regimes infringe upon the freedom of their citizens and until the citizens are able to build strong, democratic institutions of their own design that are capable of protecting those freedoms in the future." War forever and ever and ever . . .

Man, it's a good thing we called out Pakistan and China, huh? Good thing we're pristine and clean. Good thing our house ain't made of glass or we'd be cutting our feet on the shards.