Why Ann Coulter Is a Cunt, Part 2156 of an Endless Series:
Because in her latest "column" (if by "column," you mean, "the deranged yowls of a ranting banshee driven mad by the seepage of blonde-dye chemicals into her brain"), Coulter essentially calls for Jeb Bush to use the "military" to keep Terri Schiavo alive. Did you really not expect it to come to this?

In much the same way that the Republicans keep claiming they, the party of Bush, are the party of Lincoln, as if the calculated Republican effort to drive a wedge between red and blue states wouldn't make Lincoln shoot himself before Booth got the chance, Coulter compares Dixiecrat Orval Faubus to Bill Clinton in degrading all Democrats. Here's Coulter weaving her magic in equating the National Guard called in to prevent black children from attending school in Little Rock in 1957 and the INS taking Elian Gonzales back to his father: "Democratic Gov. Orval Faubus called out the Arkansas National Guard expressly for purposes of defying rulings of the U.S. Supreme Court and lower federal courts. The decadent buffoon Bill Clinton sent armed agents from the INS to seize a small boy from an American family – despite rulings by the majestic and infallible Florida courts granting custody of the boy to that very family." Of course, Coulter, in mythologizing the Gonzalez debacle, leaves out that the INS took the boy because he was an illegal alien taken away from his father and that every federal court upheld the Clinton administration on the issue.

But, oh, how Coulter likes Ike. She is practically creaming in her Gucci jeans at the thought of brave Ike, sending in the 101st Airborne to enforce the Supreme Court's Brown v. Board of Education decision. Ike, who said in 1956, "The peace we seek and need means much more than mere absence of war. It means the acceptance of law, and the fostering of justice, in all the world," would have bitch-slapped every single Republican (and a number of Democrats) on Capitol Hill for the war in Iraq, not to mention the Schiavo bill. Coulter loves to conflate, so conflate away: "Minutes later, Democrats pronounced the Arkansas public schools a 'hopeless quagmire' and demanded to know what Ike's exit strategy was." Jesus, sometimes Coulter's subtle, dry sense of humor makes the Rude Pundit wanna vomit in her Prada purse.

After blathering some nonsense about the left's new "embrace" of federalism and dissing the judiciary as some outlaw radical regime living in the heart of our beautiful culture-of-life-infused nation, Coulter gets to the real point: calling for armed intervention. "President Andrew Jackson is supposed to have said of a Supreme Court ruling he opposed: 'Well, John Marshall has made his decision, now let him enforce it.' The court's ruling was ignored. And yet, somehow, the republic survived," she belches forth. That decision, Worcester v. Georgia, which Jackson ignored, said that the Georgia state government did not have authority over Native American lands, that only the federal government did. Jackson, the old Injun killer, didn't give a rat's ass about the rights of the Cherokee when whites wanted to take their good farm land. He let the state remove the Indians and take their land and send them on their Trail of Tears to Oklahoma.

But Coulter won't let something like "facts" and "history" fuck up a good analogy: "If Gov. Jeb Bush doesn't say something similar to the Florida courts that have ordered Terri Schiavo to die, he'll be the second Republican governor disgraced by the illiterate ramblings of a state judiciary." In Coulter's bizarro world of civics, Jeb Bush would be like Jackson or Ike in his actions, not like, say, another governor, Orval Faubus.

Coulter is clearly implying Jeb should amp this up a few dozen notches: The only action that Jeb could take if he says what Jackson says is to send in some troops to enforce his words, to confront the police, who are, in essence, an arm of the judiciary. The money part of this would be if Jeb Bush did order in the National Guard soldiers and then discovered they were all in Iraq. Or maybe they could just send in a bunch of paid Republican operatives with a feeding tube.

So, in brief, in the course of a single column, Coulter puts the powers of governors and presidents on an equal plain; supports the Florida courts (in Gonzalez) before degrading them (in Schiavo); says force is good to uphold the law and force is good to defy the law; says force is bad to uphold the law and force is bad to defy the law; and shits herself with glee at her own power to string together a barely cogent thought. Somewhere, William F. Buckley is rolling over in his grave (yes, the Rude Pundit knows).

Oh, that other Republican governor Coulter was referring to? Here's Ann: "Gov. Mitt Romney will never recover from his acquiescence to the Massachusetts Supreme Court's miraculous discovery of a right to gay marriage." Coulter would have wildly fingered herself if she could have seen Romney standing in front of the Boston courthouse, surrounded by the National Guard, refusing to allow two men or two women to simply get a marriage license.