John McCain Will Fuck Your Shit Up:
What the fuck could Dennis "No, Wait, Don't Tie Those Macy's Parade Ropes On Me" Hastert have been thinking when he decided to attack John McCain for not being able to see the "sacrifice in this country" in the war effort? McCain's crime? Saying that, obviously, during a time of war, when deficits are spiraling out of any semblance of control, it is irresponsible to keep tax cuts on the very wealthiest Americans.

Let us not merely speak of "McCain," the abstract maverick. Here's what he actually said and did: McCain spoke on "fiscal sanity" at a forum for the Progressive Policy Institute, a centrist organization, on May 18. In that talk, McCain eviscerated Republican policies on domestic spending, including an attack on corporate tax breaks, pointing out that at the same time the Bushkoviks asked for $25 billion in "supplemental" funds for Iraq, the Republicans passed a $180 billion corporate tax "giveaway . . .that contained nearly $18 billion energy related provisions and tax breaks for the big oil and gas companies." You wanna know why so many Republicans are pissed beyond belief at McCain that they would actually question his patriotism? Here's McCain, sounding like a 1910s Progressive: "Thousands of miles from here young men and women are putting everything on the line so we can be free. And what have we sacrificed? Seriously, think about it carefully. Name one thing that Congress has told the special interests and their fat-cat lobbyists to do without since this war began." Goddamn, that last sentence is the kind of rhetoric we've been dying to hear for the last Christ only knows how many years. Read the whole speech. It's a kick-yer-ass barnburner. And you'll understand why, at some point, if they win, the Bushkoviks are coming after McCain.

Right now, they'll use their surrogate thugs, but McCain can bitch slap them like imported Vietnamese hookers holding out on their "sponsors." Hastert quickly retreated, like a cock head faced with a cold breeze, when his spokesman said Hastert, who had a bum shoulder and couldn't get drafted, "values Sen. McCain's military service, but he disagrees with him on tax relief."

This is what makes McCain such a throwback: he's a model politician. Fuck, the Rude Pundit doesn't believe in half of the things McCain supports, but he'll take one McCain for ten Tom Daschles any day of the week (where the fuck's Daschle been lately, anyway?). While knuckledraggers like Tom DeLay and Duncan Hunter criticize the investigation of prison torture in Iraq, McCain knows there is larger meaning to be gleaned here: one cannot claim any sort of "moral" or "military" authority if one is unwilling to face one's mistakes. Most Republicans would prefer to lift the rug and sweep away here. McCain (and others) refuse. They take their duty seriously, and that is chilling to many Republicans because that way lies Watergate and madness.

(By the way, the Rude Pundit does not support the idea of a Kerry/McCain ticket. One reason: the Senate. A Vice-President McCain would be the tie-breaking vote in the Senate. And those qualities everyone "admires" would come back to bite us in the ass when votes on things like abortion and war require his vote.)

Meanwhile, Zell Miller Really Wants To Get Fucked By the Boys in the Shower:
Senator Zell Miller shows us all why being batshit insane is no impediment to serving in Congress. He has proposed that state legislatures should choose Senators, continuously attacked fellow Democrat John Kerry (and stated that he supports Bush), and written a book bashing the Democratic Party. Goddamn, at least Strom Thurmond had the good sense to turn Republican.

But you know you've gone over the rainbow and need the thorazine and electroshock when you go on national radio and say about prison torture: "The two times I think I have been most humiliated in my life was standing in a big room, naked as a jaybird with about fifty others and they were checking us out, now that was humiliating. It was humiliating showering with sixty others in a public shower. It didn't kill us did it? No one ever died from humiliation." Now, the Rude Pundit doesn't know what was so humliating. Does Senator Miller have a tiny, limp, lifeless dick that others could point at and laugh? Or maybe Miller spent time with Jason Patric's character from the film Your Friends and Neighbors. In a locker room talk among male friends about the best sex they ever had, Patric's Cary describes the gang rape of a boy in his high school locker room. Cary was the last in the train. Maybe Miller was that lucky boy.