Bush Gets Bitch Slapped by the Constitution:
Imagine the White House, festooned for the holidays, with American flags draped on every wreath like so many soldiers' caskets, with a Curious George model seated below a painting of Mama Babs, the spycams in the giant Nutcrackers, mock-up of Saddam's head atop the Christmas tree. All the things that make a season filled with joy. And why not? A couple of good spinnable numbers on the economy have come in, the fundraising continues at a pace that would allow the Bush campaign to make a Lord of the Rings-like trilogy about Dick and George, everyone's forgotten about that nastiness about WMDs, Congress is out of session so no embarassing need to actually compromise one's monarchical desires. All in all, it looks like it's gonna be Merry Christmas.

And then those goddamn courts just step in and fuck up the whole thing. Let's see how we can re-phrase the Second Circuit Court of Appeals decision saying that not only was U.S. citizen Jose Padilla actually entitled to a lawyer, but the majority stated that he should be charged or set free in 30 days. To recapitulate, the court said, "Say, bitch, yeah, I'm lookin' at you, Rumsfeld, Bush, Ashcroft, you little punk-ass pussy motherfuckers, see we live in a little sumpin' sumpin' called the United States of America, my bitches, and we got us a little sumpin' sumpin' called the Constitution, and one of the reasons that all those old motherfuckers back in the 1700s fought against the British was to prevent shit like detaining citizens without charges. Now, look, bitch, I know, I know, I know we are in a time of big boo bugaboo terrorism and shit, but, goddamn, if you're gonna fuck up the whole motherfuckin' country because you're so bitch-ass scared, then why not just hand the keys to the terrorists now? At least have the balls to go put your begging hands out to the Congress for the power. Now charge that motherfucker Padilla or set him free, or I'm shoving my foot up your adminstrative ass, and then we'll see who's got the dirty bomb." Or words to that effect.

Of course, the Bush adminstration won't back down. This is going to the Supreme Court. This is going to crisis, and, christ, aren't we are just so weary of all the battles, all the crises? In the end, Jose Padilla and, let's go conservative here, over half of the people being held at Guantanamo are less terrorists than losers and dupes who got caught up in a big ass governmental web.

Oh, how Curious George must have run amok in the White House to be so denied his powerful weapons of pen and paper to sign away the lives of Americans. And Dick rolled his eyes and grimaced that grimace he's so good at grimacing as he put on the yellow hat to chase George down from the Christmas tree so he could listen to Treasure Secretary John "Moneybags" Snow read Olive the Other Reindeer.

All in all, the Vice President thought as he pondered the court's decision and opened a bag of pretzels for the wayward, jabbering President, it could be worse. He could be this guy, whose apparent job is to chase around Barney, the White House dog, and film him delightfully shitting on the carpet, the snow, the American flag.