Dear Democrats: Don't Fuck This Up

Dear Democrats,

Rude Pundit here. Just a little advice from this party member before we finish off this ludicrous slog to the nomination.

You have been handed the election on a golden goddamned platter. You have been given a chance not just to take back the Senate but to possibly take the House, too. Even many conservatives think it's a good possibility. In fact, the only thing that's standing between here and total victory is that you're Democrats, and you're gonna make every effort to fuck this up. So don't. It's that simple. Don't fuck it up.

Now, you're perfectly justified in wondering, "We got this. How could we fuck it up?" Because you totally could, and it's not based on whether Bernie or Hillary is the nominee. Either of them can beat Trump as long as you keep the fucking up to a minimum.

For instance, you could be complete pussies during the general election. The GOP establishment was a bunch pussies and look where it got them. Donald Trump is going to come after Bernie or Hillary with the savagery of a swarm of starving rats, attempting to devour everything, including his opponent's bones. He takes pleasure in that shit. Listen to how he said, "Lyin' Ted" for Ted Cruz, a pathetic worm turd who never had a chance beyond the child-spanking and self-flagellation set. Trump would growl it out, like he was having an intense orgasm. He's already started in on "Crooked Hillary." Probably we'll get some "Commie Bernie" or shit like that. Those words stick and end up defining the terms of the debate.

Hillary Clinton's already come out with some weak words: "I don't think we can take a risk on a loose cannon like Donald Trump running our country...I do think he is a loose cannon, and loose cannons tend to misfire." A metaphor involving a phallic object ain't gonna work. You have to make Trump respond other than when he makes his stupid fucking chin-in smirk face that just seems like it's begging for a fist. Every single time you mention Trump, you call him something like "the candidate from the National Enquirer." You bring up the crazy shit - the birther stuff, Ted Cruz's dad, the Muslim ban. You make people make a choice between bugfuck or sane. Sure, a bunch of dumbasses will stand by him. But you make sure that his "charms," whatever the fuck those might be, don't end up tricking a bunch more by holding off on attacking the shit out of him. Trump believes he has the upper hand with his anti-politician, anti-PC crap. Counter that with anti-Trump personality, anti-stupid. Degrade, deride, and dismiss. Remember that mantra, Democrats, so you don't fuck it up.

And fuck appealing to Republicans.

Don't fuck up the down ticket races. The head of the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee, Rep. Ben Ray Lujan of New Mexico, has the right idea in going after incumbent Republicans: "We’re going to make sure they’re tied to Donald Trump, and Donald Trump is tied to them." In some cases, that's gonna be easy. Incumbent Republican Tom Reed of New York endorsed Trump in March; he barely squeaked to victory in 2012 (2014 was an easier election for him). He's up against a Democrat, John Plumb, whose family has deep roots in the upstate NY region (Reed is from Illinois) and is a Navy veteran who supports a woman's right to choose and wants to do something to slow climate change. Throw shit-tons of money at that guy.

Trump is gonna be doing everything possible to throw a wrench into the Democratic election train engine. He will likely pick a woman as a running mate to stave off criticism of his sexism, thinking that it'll trick some women into abandoning Clinton (who, let's face it, whether we like it or not, is almost certainly going to be the Democratic nominee). He has to be hit hard and continuously, not with milquetoast policy disputes, but with barrages of deeply personal insults that put him on the defensive. Keep him on the ropes constantly because if there's one thing this fucker has proven is that he can throw a punch.

Punch first, Democrats. Or you'll fuck it up for all of us.


P.S. Oh, and regular Democratic voters who say they won't vote if Hillary's the nominee? That'll fuck it up, too.