Oh, listen, dear, sweet, young, innocent readers, there was a time in a century past when an entire machine was constructed for the sole purpose of degrading and destroying President Bill Clinton and his wife, Hillary Clinton. It was a monstrous creation, all squeaky pistons and black smoke-belching ducts, leaving toxic waste wherever it was put to use. The machine was magical in that, all of a sudden, media stars were created by merely giving up their human bodies and becoming cogs in it. The surge of power and popularity in people like Rush Limbaugh and Bill O'Reilly were caused by the machine pumping its foul product through a pipe that went directly up the assholes of conservative commentators and spewed garbage right out of their mouths. Did you know that the only reason that Ann Coulter exists is because of the machine? That Fox "news" came to prominence because it was the machine's vilest output? And the people, oh, the people, dear children, how they gobbled up the trash left for them by the machine, not enough to bring down President Clinton, but enough to tarnish them in the eyes of a huge number of your parents and uncles and aunts so that the mere mention of a Clinton, now mostly Hillary, would remind them of the taste of the machine's effluvia and debris and cause them to reflexively roll their eyes in hateful pleasure.
This Hillary Clinton email story is not a story. Like every other supposed scandal involving the Clintons, it exists solely in the fevered minds of those who cannot stand them who desperately try to get us to think it's more than it is. Yet here we are, like it's the late 1990s all over again, except with better graphics.
The front of the Fox "news" website:
The front of Breitbart, which didn't exist back then, but is a stand-in for others that did:
And, of course, this wouldn't be complete without Drudge, which does look exactly the same:
Turn on conservative talk radio and it's Hillary for a good chunk of the time. The machine is gearing up for the big presidential run, so hungry, ready to be fed, ready to feed again. The obsession, the monomania, the desire not just to defeat but to tear apart, you think that's so new with Barack Obama?
Older rudesters, is your right eye twitching a little, like you're having an acid flashback to a bad trip you thought you had repressed enough so that you didn't see the gorgons and minotaurs roaring at you anymore?
The Rude Pundit is no huge Hillary fan for reasons he'll bother to discuss when she announces she's running for president. But he'd still vote for her against that jagoff Bush, that turd licker Rand Paul, that narrow-eyed geek Walker, that ball of spite Christie. You know, though, what we're gonna have to go through when she's the nominee. You know that the machine will be moving madly, chaotically, smashing anything to wreck her. You know that it's fed on cash and rumor and lies and it cannot ever be sated unless it gets to devour her whole.
We're just getting a preview of what's to come.