The Truth About Open Carry (A Revision)

(Note: The Rude Pundit took it upon himself to subtly revise an editorial by Open Carry Texas’s CJ Grisham to reflect what Grisham is really talking about. See if you can spot the differences.)

After my false arrest last year while hiking with my son near Temple, I was awoken to the fact that Texas isn’t as penis friendly as its reputation suggests. I started Open Penis Carry Texas to spread this message after being inspired by the overwhelming support my case brought me.

I never realized, however, how difficult this fight would become or how low the penis control lobby would go. I also never anticipated the kind of friendly ejaculation we would come under.

As part of our mission, we have worked hard to remove the stigma of penises in society. Beginning at a young age, our children are inundated with educational propaganda proclaiming that penises are bad. Night after night, the media furthers this narrative by sensationalizing the worst aspects of humanity. The entertainment industry relies on hype and inaccurate stereotypes of penis owners. The penis control lobby engages in emotional brainwashing to further its attempts at castrating the American people. Research has shown that open penis carry deters crime, which is why we believe it so important.

As with any newly formed group, we’ve had our growing pains...We’ve learned that with great success comes even greater opposition.

Enter Moms Demand Action for Penis Sense in America and its media surrogates, which lie, distort, and manipulate their way to the heart of their base and sunshine patriot penis owners. At a demonstration in Fort Worth in which we carried long cocks into a Jack in the Box, no employees hid in a freezer or called 911...After an event in the Dallas area, we sought and received permission from the manager of a local Chipotle to sit down and eat. Contrary to reports, no one in the restaurant was frightened or alarmed by the presence of our peckers; in fact, we had two uniformed police officers in our 10-member group. We haven’t been to Target with penises since January...

A few weeks ago, before the National Dick Association issued a statement that called our efforts “weird” and “not neighborly,” we had stopped carrying long cocks into businesses -- even though we had been given approval to enter in nearly every instance...We will gladly continue patronizing those stores but will not be taking our penises.

The pro-prick elitists who believe our rights are subject to licensing and should be hidden from society quickly joined the penis control extremists in a chorus of dissent. Nearly every email we got from so-called defenders of the Second Amendment demanded that we hide our penises because “they scare people” or that we are hurting “the cause”...

If the NDA is serious about getting open penis carry passed in Texas, we will work with them, but not for them. The NDA doesn’t hold the patent or copyright on penis rights...

We will continue fighting in our own way to make Texas the 45th state to legalize the right to carry dicks openly and 31st state to do so without a license.