Family Research Council: Obamacare Website Problems Are God's Answer to Prayers:
This week's missive for the Super-Duper Prayer Team of the nutzoid evangelical conservative Family Research Council (motto: "No, we don't have anything better to do, like helping the poor and sick. Why do you ask?") very clearly places the blame for the glitches on the healthcare.gov website where it belongs: on a supernatural manifestation. No, not Mercury retrograde. Want a hint? It's God.
The Rude Pundit joined the SDPT under a nom de rude too many years ago to count, and each Wednesday (except when it's Thursday) he gets a holy email that tells him whofor and whatfor to prayfor. Usually it's about stopping abortion and the gays from marrying or acting all gay in their gay way. But sometimes the issue that needs some prayturbation is more precise.
Obamacare is the obamination (that clever pun took all the effort of reversing two letters) that everyone knew it would be, we're told. And that shit's complicated, yo: "More and more Americans are seeing that the Obamacare website rollout problems are just the tip of the iceberg. The complicated law, like computer code, has 2,500 pages (381,517 words) and even more administrative regulations (11,588,500 words) written by unelected bureaucrats led by political appointees." Because conservatives never pass laws written by lobbyists from ALEC.
Should we try to fix the problems or make an even stronger effort to get health care for everyone? Fuck that pussy Jesus shit. This is asskicker Jesus doing the job we prayed for: "God is hearing our prayers!" the FRC exults. And what's more, shit's about to get real: "Who knows if the threat of Obamacare, together with other things big government is doing, will lead to a new receptivity to the gospel, a new turning to God and a spiritual awakening that leads to all kinds of godly change?"
Yes, who knows? Wait. The Rude Pundit knows. The answer is "No." The more precise answer is "Go fuck yourself with a crucifix."
But it's good to know that whenever there's a problem with the code and function of a website, the programmer can just say, "Well, fuck, guess someone prayed for this to be all fucked up. Oh, God, you scamp."