Giving the People What They Want: Ten Things Regarding Corn Dogs and Bachmanns:
Oh, the Rude Pundit had good intentions for the day. He was going to write a defense of liberal discontent with President Obama. Or he was going to write an attack on Texas Governor and newly-announced presidential candidate Rick Perry. But this weekend, one thing electrified rude readers more than anything else: Iowa straw poll winner Michele Bachmann's cocksucking face as she deep-throated a corn dog at the state fair. Yes, she did. She gobbled that meat stick like a roped-up Sasha Grey getting mouth-fucked.
Here's some things the Rude Pundit believes Minnesota's non-quitter was thinking as she went down on some carny dong:
1. "Oh, God, it's been so long."
2. "This tastes better than Sean Hannity."
3. "Wait, you mean it's just a hot dog?"
4. "I can take a bigger one than Rick Perry."
5. "This won't look bad at all."
Of course, if there's tube meat available, Bachmann's not-at-all-gay, anti-gay, gay-curing husband Marcus will be close by. He got a corn dog facial, too, with the congresswoman making him take it, take it all. Look at him:
Obviously he was thinking:
1. "Pray it away, pray it away, pray it away..."
2. "Well, if I just put the tip in, it won't look like I like it."
3. "Is it okay if I touch it, just a little, with my fingers gently caressing the smooth shaft before it hits my tongue and fills my mouth, oh, god, oh, Jesus, this feels amazing...no, no, stop it, bad thoughts. I'll have to whip myself later."
4. "Maybe if I show that I think it's yucky, people will stop talking."
5. "Oh, Michele, it's just...you."
Update: The profile view of the event does Bachmann no favors.
Tomorrow: back to weightier matters. And later this week: The Rude Pundit starts his yearly vacation, with great guest bloggers steppin' in to do the deed.