DADT Gone: Social Conservatives Lose Their Fucking Minds:
Upon seeing on the CSPAN that the nation's stupid Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy regarding gays in the military had been overturned on Saturday, the Rude Pundit celebrated in the old way: by inviting a bunch of queer soldiers from every branch (even the Coast Guard) over to Casa de Rude for tequila, ecstasy, and more blow jobs and fingering than in the parking lot of your high school after the junior prom. By the detritus left behind, he knew it had been quite the celebration, even if his only memories involve repeatedly hearing orgasmic cries of "Hoo-ah" and watching a lesbian couple slow dance as a third sang, "Off we go into the wild blue yonder." On Sunday morning, the Christmas tree was festooned with empty condom wrappers, the three wise men in the Nativity were positioned as if they were fucking the camels and donkeys, the nutcracker's mouth was stuck shut, the poinsettia was uprooted, and the pantsless Marine still asleep in the tub had mistletoe tied to rest just below his belly button. A splendid Yuletide festival, indeed.
Around the nutzoid conservative world, the star of Bethlehem had dimmed a bit. Indeed, the reaction to the repeal of DADT could best be described as "angrier than a mall Santa that got kicked in the balls." Tony Perkins of the Family Research Council (motto: "Nothing shows Baby Jesus' love more than hating gays") scribbled off one of his missives of hate, yapping madly, "Today is a tragic day for our armed forces. The American military exists for only one purpose - to fight and win wars. Yet it has now been hijacked and turned into a tool for imposing on the country a radical social agenda." Now, all those people in the military who advise and train soldiers in other countries and, you know, the fucking Coast Guard might disagree with Perkins' definition, but they'd just be part of the liberal cadre who wanted this: "[I]t is a political payoff to a tiny, but loud and wealthy, part of the Democratic base." Otherwise known as "David Geffen," one assumes.
Yep, the fact that most of America wanted the policy changed and that most of the military didn't give a shit had no bearing on the vote of six Republicans. It was the influence of gay-loving liberals with money. John McCain, who has gone the full teabag since he has no actual beliefs, scoffed at "elite schools" and tossed out, "[T]here will be high-fives all over the liberal bastions of America." Damn, the Rude Pundit bets that all over the liberal bastions, they're thinking, "We should have been tiny but loud on every other issue." McCain's pleadings (along with all the homophobic Republicans) are just the last gasps of a diseased animal, lashing out in its death throes, on its way to extinction.
Speaking of not-so-jolly fat men, Pat Buchanan was on the air yesterday to say how much he hates him some DADT repeal, too. On The McLaughlin Group (motto: "No, really, this show is still on the air"), Patty Buch kicked and yawped, "You are trying to impose the values of Fire Island on Parris Island. These are 19-year-old Marines. They’re very macho guys. Many of them are Christian traditionalists and you got these secular values and you bring open homosexuals into the barracks with these guys — it will be hellish." Buchanan's strange obsession with that bastion of gay summertime fun continued, "The multiculturals have won. But there’s one culture basically, as I said, to Fire Island, and an entirely different culture." Sounds like someone doesn't like hearing disco from his beach house. For Buchanan, though, it doesn't matter. We're all fucking doomed: "I don’t think time is on the side of Western civilization, if you want to know." Always remember: Pat Buchanan is not your lovable curmudgeon uncle. He is a bigoted son of a bitch who licked Nixon's asshole.
Yes, there is gonna be a mighty squeak and squeal from the right. But for the rest of us, the majority of Americans? We have once again demonstrated that civil rights lurch ever forward. And for liberals so disenchanted with Democrats these many months? Well, if we're gonna get tossed a bone, at least it was a helluva big bone. (Insert your own joke here.)
(One last note here: Marine Commandant General James Amos, who was quoted endlessly by the nasty grub fucker McCain and was the strongest in opposition to a change in policy, released a statement offering his full support for the new policy and saying, "Above all else, we are loyal to the Constitution, our Commander in Chief, Congress, our Chain of Command, and the American people...I, and the Sergeant Major of the Marine Corps, will personally lead this effort, thus ensuring the respect and dignity due all Marines.")