Glenn Beck Is a Terrorist By Glenn Beck's Own Definition:
Let us pause for a moment, and why not, in the tax cut debacle that's creeping into reality like that slow-moving blizzard that's chilling the fuck out of the eastern USA to enjoy a fight between Godzilla and a flea. Godzilla here would be Fareed Zakaria, the writer and CNN host, and the flea would be Glenn Beck, jowly idiot-warrior for all things wrong and host of programs on radio and Fox "news."

So, last week, Beck, with the dunderheaded confidence that a high school education and a little bit o' book learnin' can give a man who is probably brain-damaged by cheap tequila and cheaper blow, asserts that, well, by his estimates, 10% of all Muslims in the world must be terrorists. That would be about 157,000,000 terrorists, an army big enough to, you know, conquer the world or at least a few extra nations than are already Muslim. But facts are to Glenn Beck as emotional control is to John Boehner. In essence, it'd be an insult to turds to say that Beck pulled the figure out of his ass.

In a pimp-slapping that'd make real pimps say, "Damn, you slapped the shit out of that bitch," Zakaria takes apart Beck's logic-free estimate on Sunday, even mocking Beck's producer's claim that Beck was also including terrorist sympathizers, not just active, bomb-wearing, plane-plunging terrorists. So, if you call for someone's death or say that you support those who are killing people, you, too, are a terrorist. Zakaria stomps the fuck out of Beck by saying, "[H]ow would one describe a man who has been fueling such anger against the American government on television daily for the last two years? How, in other words, would one describe Glenn Beck?" Like the Rude Pundit said, Godzilla versus a flea.

Now, Beck, who has skin that's thinner than John Boehner's tear threshold, mocks Zakaria. He offers,"If I said to Fareed Zakaria, 'Fareed, I'm not going to kill you, but I support the people who do want to kill you,' am I a problem, Fareed? Yes! Yes, I would be a problem!" You see what Beck says there? He lays out the criteria for what makes one a terrorist: calling for or supporting direct violence.

You probably know by now where this is going, so let's get there. Here's a list of times where Beck said he wanted to kill people or thought they should die:

- In August 2009, Beck gleefully fantasized about what it would be like to hand Nancy Pelosi a glass of poisoned wine.

- In September 2006, Beck said that if Muslim extremists "take over" the Middle East, "we're going to have to nuke the whole place."

- In May 2005, Beck teased out what it would be like to murder Michael Moore with his bare hands.

- In March 2001, Beck listed the people he'd like to "beat to death with a shovel," including Rep. Charlie Rangel.

Sure, sure, Beck would say, in that "Shucks, I'm a fucking asshole" way of his, that he's just joking about Pelosi, Moore, and Rangel, ha-ha. But let's go farther than Zakaria. How would Beck react to a well-known Pakistani media figure saying that if, say, the Tea Party takes over America, they should just nuke us?

And, frankly, if you were living in, say, Iraq or Afghanistan, in isolated places where you don't even know why the fuck these foreigners are blowing up your house, you'd probably be a little more justified in thinking that, because of Glenn Beck and other American media mullahs, 10% or more of us are terrorists.