Sarah Palin Is a Fucking Retard:
Forget about Sarah Palin writing on her hand. Forget about her resigning as governor of Alaska a little over halfway through her first term for no reason other than she was tired of it. Forget that her husband thinks Alaska should be its own country and was essentially co-governor. Forget that she shoots wolves from helicopters for fun. Forget all about those things as arguments against Sarah Palin when you are dealing with the people who love her. They don't care. All of those things just make her delightfully regular and sympathetically human.

See, Sarah Palin is graded on the hot chick curve. Men wanna fuck her and women with low self-esteem wanna be her, so whatever she does just affirms that she is hot and fuckable and gets to travel. If she looked like Kay Bailey Hutchison, we wouldn't even be talking about her. Palin knows it. And she wields her sexuality like a distraction while she magically steals attention from those smarter than her.

It ain't just Palin. Let's face it: if Hillary Clinton had looked like Sarah Palin, she'd be president. And if Barack Obama had looked like Dennis Kucinich, he would not. But, Jesus, you could argue there was substance there. It's a sad fact of America in the 21st-century that shallowness is a quality and depth makes you an out-of-touch elitist.

The Rude Pundit watched Palin's speech Saturday night at the Tea Party Convention at the Opryland Hotel in Nashville. He saw all of it, her hair fixed perfectly to look like she had just finished fucking Andrew Breitbart (who introduced her), her practiced folksy nasality that has become a parody of a parody, her ludicrous call to revolution, which apparently means slightly lower taxes on small businesses and war with Iran. Somewhere in heaven, James Madison said, "Tell you what, bitch, you risk getting executed by the British for a cut in the marginal tax rate on your fishing boats and we'll talk."

Her speech was nonsense, a bowl of bullshit and lies that she digested and vomited out into the hungry mouths of the hatchlings in attendance, who gobbled it down like they had never tasted something so sweet. How can you take seriously someone who says, "[U]nlike the elitists who denounce this movement, they just don't want to hear the message. I've traveled across this great country and I've talked to the patriotic men and women who make up the Tea Party movement, and they are good and kind and selfless and they are deeply concerned about our country" just before denouncing every other movement. And who is this rich woman calling "elitist"?

But in her brief, hand-scripted Q&A after, swear to god, the Rude Pundit couldn't figure out what the fuck she was saying on a very basic English language level. Read this shit about her litmus test for endorsing candidates: "But if they feel that they've been taxed enough already and that they make us a commitment that they are going to do something about it and if they just believe in that constitutional limited government that the federal government has got to start abiding by, a lot of the things that perhaps the details, the things on the periphery that perhaps I wouldn't agree with every single aspect of their agenda that they would like to implement, they have got the basics down, I think it would be wise for us to be supportive." What the fuck is that? Palinonics, a language that only makes sense to people dazzled by the shine off her glasses. She makes George W. Bush seem like William F. Buckley.

And then there's this call to theocracy: "And then, I think, it is kind of tougher to -- kind of tougher to put our arms around, but allowing America's spirit to rise again by not being afraid -- not being afraid to kind of go back to some of our roots as a God-fearing nation where we are not afraid to say, especially in times of potential trouble in the future here, we are not afraid to say, you know, we don't have all the answers as fallible men and women. So it would be wise of us to start seeking some divine intervention again in this country so that we can be safe and secure and prosperous again. To have people involved in government who aren't afraid to go that route, not so afraid of the political correctness that, you know, they have to be afraid of what the media would say about them if they were to proclaim their reliance on our creator." Does she realize who was president for eight years just recently? Wait, here's the answer: no. No, she does not.

She's fucking retarded. As in stupid. As in she shouldn't be trusted to hand out carts at a Wal-Mart. That's this elitist's opinion. What backs him up? Two quotes:

1. "I'm gonna tell people that this pattern of not just the insensitivity, but the flippant way of perhaps looking at those who are less fortunate and are not part of that elite crowd there in Washington. I'm sick of it and I'm gonna stand up and I'm gonna say something about it because I think I'm speaking on behalf of others who are concerned about it." - Palin on Fox "news" Sunday, regarding the use of the word "retard." You could actually see Chris Wallace's soul drain from his body during the interview. It's not just devoid of ideas - it's devoid of sense and filled with lies. (Really? Elite Washington says "retard" all the time?)

2. "We are moving towards a nuclear arms treaty with Russia, something that has been a high priority with us. We have reset our relationship. The Russians have been very positive in discussions about sanctions on Iran, and on many other important matters. I am not sure that would have been predicted a year ago. We do have a very comprehensive engagement with India, with China, with other big countries from South Africa to Turkey to Brazil, and we are working together in areas of mutual interests or where the United States can be a facilitator." - Hillary Clinton reflecting on her first year as Secretary of State on CNN's State of the Union, interviewed by Candy Crowley, who would make Palin's head explode if ever given the chance to speak to her.