Note to John McCain: Gay Soldiers Don't Want to Rape Your Ass:
Underneath the glowing sheen of rationality given to the most despicable of beliefs, there is always irrational fear. Implicit in the language of the men who want to leave in place the U.S. military's "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy regarding gays and lesbians in the military is this fear: "Gay guys might rape my ass." The proper response to that is, "Oh, get over yourself, Mary."

Senator John McCain's words and behavior at the Senate Armed Services Committee meeting on DADT were prima facie evidence of the rape fear. "It would also present yet another challenge to our military at a time of already tremendous stress and strain," he offered, adding later, "the military’s mission to prepare for and conduct combat operations requires servicemen and women to accept living and working conditions that are often spartan and characterized by forced intimacy with little or no privacy."

It's as if there's a group of predatory queers out there jonesing for some Marine ass and are willing to sign away a few years of their life to get it. It's as if the notion of openly gay service members (yeah, yeah, ha, ha, "members") will stop all the straight dudes from hanging out nude with other straight dudes, an image that, in any context, is totally gay (as in "homosexual"). Seriously, if you wanna walk around, dangling your junk in front of other guys, there's probably something you need to ask and tell yourself.

Junk-dangling soldiers aside, it's not really as if the straight guys are the models of sexual decorum here. "According to several studies of the US military funded by the Department of Veteran Affairs, 30% of military women are raped while serving, 71% are sexually assaulted, and 90% are sexually harassed," says a BBC report from last year, with an estimate that "some 90% of military sexual assaults are never reported." It's pretty damn likely that the vast majority of those assaults were not committed by lesbians.

Yet conservatives trot out the few examples of harassment or violence by gays and lesbians, as if that minority proves the rule. In a Washington Times editorial, retired Army lawyer Richard Black details a 1991 sexual assault by two male soldiers on a third. Anyone see the problem? Yeah, it was in 1991, when gays were explicitly banned from the military, prior to DADT. That didn't actually stop the assault from happening.

Tony Perkins, whose Family Research Council (motto: "Why doesn't Jesus stop us from going bankrupt?") has a petition against the repeal of DADT, says, "Forcing soldiers to cohabit with people who view them as sexual objects would inevitably lead to increased sexual tension, sexual harassment, and even sexual assault." Or, in other words, the straight dudes might be treated like they treat women. Or, in other words, please don't rape our asses, Mr. Gay Guy.

Indeed, by the right's own logic, the military should ban heterosexual men.

Here's a secret, John McCain, Tony Perkins, and others: Gay guys don't want to rape you. In fact, you're not even remotely attractive to most gay dudes. They do want to serve our country, and, as everyone in the military will tell you, they already do. And if ostensibly straight American males like you are uncomfortable, that's actually your damage.